I rarely if ever give someone the opportunity to spout off on my place but I found 'The Non-Review' such a wonderfully insane site with the way it approached various unrelated topics. In another reality we could have been friends. I asked for his imput on the 'Cephalopod Menace' and he provided this early Christmas gift. Bravo.
octopus; enemy to some, friend of no one.
One may feel that given the number of extremities, the octopus would have more than enough legs to stand on. This however is a misnomer. As you will soon learn, the octopus is nature's biggest joke.
In the early days of the octopus, it served a purpose. Crawling along the bottom of the floor devouring little fish that would otherwise go undevoured, it carried it's own weight. But as time progressed, the octopus found itself made redundant. As it always seems to go in this world, something newer, hipper, and ultimately better in every way came along. While some have called them cousins, the octopus knew the squid only as enemy.
With the squid, man no longer requires the services of such an antiquated cephalopod. To put it another way, why use a dust buster when there's a perfectly good Dyson vacuum sitting there. With that in mind let's take a closer look at the lackluster invertebrates:
•Did you know that Octopuses have three hearts, yet die shortly after copulating? How weak of an animal is that?
•The average lifespan of an octopus is just 2-3 years. And those in the depths of the ocean can only be expected to live up to five years, provided they don't mate. Guess those extra limbs get a workout, huh?
•Octopuses are said to very intelligent creatures. Makes you grateful to know that without bones they can't use it to their advantage. Ha ha nature, way to screw with them.
•Octopuses can change color to match their surroundings. While some have stated that this is a defense mechanism that allows them to escape their predators and evade attack, the truth is that they are designed to do their jobs without being seen. Kind of like a housekeeper.
•Once valued for their ink, Octopuses have since become irrelevant in the world of calligraphy.
•Some octopuses if fleeing a predator can eject limbs from their body as a decoy. Which I have to admit might work purely on the basis that it is immensely creepy.
•Did you know that once you go squid you never go back?
The octopus is indeed a gag bag full of mistakes, cowardice and yes, ink. Congratulations animal kingdom, you've been punk'd.
Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness
I forever stand vigilant to protect this planet from the myriad of forces that are always against us. Be it the octopus, zombies, aliens or the robots my team of human agents, and our feline allies, circle the globe in a never ending struggle for human freedom.
I learn all I can on every subject that interests me. I especially enjoy ancient history because in the past there are valuable lessons to be found. Also, if I ever get my time machine to work properly, it would be good to know a bit about possible destinations and what to expect when I get there.
I greatly appreciate beautiful design. Be it manufactured or found naturally I am fascinated by the process of invention. I am attracted to the unique, the strange, the haunted. I like to share what I find on this blog.
And not let us forget the 'Cephalopod Menace' who, if allowed to, would wrap their tentacles around all that is good and pure in this life and crush it until it remained no more. They are creatures of pure spite. Hate is all they know. Death is all they do. They are our most ruthless and determined enemy.
So we fight. Selena has the celebrity contacts, the cat is ruthless and without pity, Roosevelt's ghost has the experience and I do the wetwork.
Fighting for the future of the planet doesn't have to be a chore, however. We can take the time to appreciate all that is cool in this world even as we cut the octopus into bite sized chunks.
This is the reason there has always been and must forever be, a Cave of Cool. Be sure to wipe your feet before you enter.