Monday, January 19, 2015

Helix - Season Two


I remember the first season of Helix which I watched in a binge during the hot days of summer. I was attracted to the Arctic setting and the idea of a viral outbreak at a remote research station. Instead, for twelve episodes, everyone ran around in circles and other goofy directions just to create some kind of evil corporation and a plan to decimate the world's population. There were zombies, immortals and evil assassins and heads frozen in containers (no shit) But all that cool stuff was crammed into the last two episodes so everything went from boring to frantic in record time. Season One ended like it was written and directed by someone who had never seen the series and that hurt what little interest I had in season two. But despite all that, here we are again SYFY. I feel I will be given the screwgie again but I willing walk into the examination room.

I got sucked into the virus that had the bloated cauliflower tongue as part of the symptoms. I am also a fan of killer virus movies. It's all the hazmat suits I think.

The reasons these stupid scientists have to be abandoned on an island in the Pacific North West is pretty weak but that starts our story. With a survivor from a ship where everyone but one died, the three CDC scientists face new challenges and creepy hillbillies.


This of course is NOTHING like the show we are used to seeing. Cool arctic research base replaced by creepy jungle island complete with cultists inside the walls and crazies outside the walls. Plus there is some teeth pulling (with rusty pliers no less) just to make everything just that much more uncomfortable. I have a terrible feeling that I will start watching again and nothing will be resolved just like last season. Or something will be resolved at it will be stupid. I hate feeling stupid when I watch a genre program like this. If you call your show HELIX and you are about killer viruses then go full retard on that concept. Season one had frozen heads in jars so I have some hope with this year.

But don't fuck with me Helix. I will bail on you faster than shit moves through a goose if you get cute with me.

I so hate when a character utters the line, "I can't answer your question right now because there isn't time." There is always 2 minutes to explain what is going down. In EVERY situation you at least have two minutes to tell me why I have to follow you and do what you tell me. In fact, when we are walking for hours, that would also be a great time for an explanation or two. What kind of psycho walks in silence? What GROUP of psychos does that?



This is not beginning well.

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