Monday, September 26, 2016

This Was Done Is 2009 And Is Still Mostly True Today

Asked someone to marry you? - Guilty - she first said yes then said no three days later.
Ever kissed someone of the same sex? - Innocent
Danced on a table in a bar? - Guilty - these hips don't lie
Ever told a lie? - Guilty or do I mean Innocent?
Kissed a picture? - Guilty
Slept in until 5 PM? - Guilty - But what the hell? What am I? A Mormon?
Fallen asleep at work/school? - Guilty - feel asleep while at a staff meeting - the Principal has SUCH a soothing voice.
Held a snake? - Guilty (baby) - Once wore a ten foot python as a scarf
Been suspended from school? - Innocent - Once fought to get myself out of Religion Class and when told I could still get credit but I couldn't tell anyone, I got indignant and told the teacher and the principal that unless my three friends also got free from the class with credit I would tell EVERYONE and LEAD the revolt against a very poor teacher. And I gave them ten seconds to sign the agreement. I graduated from a Catholic High School without having to attend Religion Studies 30.
Worked at a fast food restaurant? Innocent
Stolen from a store? - Guilty - 7/11
Been fired from a job? - Guilty - But I hated it and wanted the rest of my summer off.
Done something you regret? Guilty - daily regrets
Laughed until something you were drinking came out of your nose? - Guilty
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? - Guilty - HELLO - Canada
Kissed in the rain? - Guilty
Sat on a roof top? - Guilty
Kissed someone you shouldn't? - Guilty
Sang in the shower? With this beautiful voice - Guilty
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? - Guilty and took every single one of those bitches in with me.
Shaved your head? - Guilty - Big Daddy don't DO the COMBOVER! And I got a beautiful head.
Had a boxing membership? - Innocent but would have always liked to learn
Made a boy/girlfriend cry? - Guilty but not proud
Been in a band? - Guilty if air bands count. Multiple wins
Shot a gun? - Guilty - Hate guns but have shot most things that can be shot
Donated Blood? - Guilty - voluntary and involuntary
Eaten alligator meat? - Innocent but I would
Eaten cheesecake? - Guilty - come on...they call me BIG Daddy
Still love someone you shouldn't? - Guilty - also a daily occurrence
Have/had a tattoo? - Innocent - too much of a baby to take the pain
Licked someone, but will never tell who? - Innocent - unless they are covered in chocolate - not gonna happen
Been too honest? - Guilty - got a nasty streak of ethics because at the end of the day I have to live with myself and that guy's got enough problems as it is.
Ruined a surprise? -Innocent
Ate in a restaurant and got really bloated that you couldn't walk after wards? - Guilty - again all food questions are moot.
Erased someone in your friends list? - Innocent - only after they did it first to me
Dressed in a woman’s clothes - Innocent but they do have some nice designers out there
Joined a pageant? - Guilty - and not a PRIDE thing you bitches
Been told that you’re handsome or beautiful by someone who totally meant what they said? - Innocent - never has happened, never will happen
Had communication with your ex? - Innocent - Over is OVER
Got totally drunk on the night before exam? Innocent - but got wrecked on caffeine pills before my first year Christmas Exams - so wired that when someone dropped a book I whelped like a Border Collie.
Got totally angry that you cried so hard? - Innocent - I only cry at 'The Grinch Who Stole Christmas' when his heart grows 3 sizes that day and gets the strength of 2 Grinches plus 10 - oh hell...there I go again.



Debra She Who Seeks said...

"What am I? A Mormon?" Hahahahahaha, classic GOLD!

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

I was quite proud of that one myself.