I Officially Sever My Relationship With All Snakes

Oh I am officially FREAKED OUT NOW by this story and pretty much have declared war on ANY MOTHERFUCKING SNAKES WITH MOTHERFUCKING EXTRA LEGS. Seeing a snake in the bedroom is bad enough. Having to bash it with a shoe to DEATH is worse...but then to examine the corpse to find that this bitch has been doing some EVOLVING behind all our backs is UNFORGIVABLE. SERIOUSLY. WTF WORLD? We have an agreement. Snakes do not walk. They slither their freakishly scary bodies on the ground. Its bad enough that you allow them to eject venom that DISSOLVES human skin but we draw the line at extra legs. This hereby makes our contract with you null and void and its ON BITCHES!

"A WOMAN has made hisstory after discovering a ONE-LEGGED snake in her bedroom. Terrified Duan Qiongxiu jumped out of her skin when she came across the mutant reptile. Scientists are now studying the slithering creature to see how it managed to grow a foot — complete with four clawed toes on its stomach. Duan, 66, of Suining, southwest China, said: "I woke up and heard a strange scratching sound. I turned on the light and saw this monster working its way along the wall using his claw." She was so scared she grabbed a shoe and beat the beast to death before preserving its body in a bottle of alcohol. The creature — which is 16 inches long and the thickness of a little finger — is now being studied at the Life Sciences Department at China's West Normal University in Nanchong. Snake expert Long Shuai said: "It is truly shocking but we won't know the cause until we've conducted an autopsy."