Swamp Shark

If your little trailer littered, gator infested bayou backwater village is having a 'Gator Festival' you can be sure that 'SWAMP SHARK' will be making an appearance.

And if you are having unmarried relations or are watching people having unmarried relations, then you will be beheaded by this ancient poorly computer generated killer swamp shark (who is surely working for the lord to punish all you wicked fornicators out there).

I also think that if less than ten people come to your 'event', you cannot legally call it a 'festival'.

Open on gorgeous swamplands of the Atchafalaya Basin in the summer. Lots of beautiful teens are at the beach the weekend before Gator Fest. That night an animal smuggling deal goes wrong and a large sea creature escapes into a swampy backwoods river. At the McDaniel's "Gator Shack" restaurant, a local, Jackson is drunk, and gets mangled to bits. The town sheriff blames the carnage on the McDaniel's "escaped" pack of gators and tries hauling them off to jail. Rachel McDaniel, head of the family, claims to have seen the fin of a shark! Rachel and her family, along with the help of a mysterious stranger, Charlie, take on the Swampshark and the law to clear their names, save Rachel's kid sister Krystal and prevent the unwitting folks at the upcoming Gator Fest from being torn to shreds by a beast the likes of which no one has ever seen!



I don't know how I feel about the fact that you show me body parts and heads being snapped off of bodies but for some reason I can't see girls boobs when they remove their tops. One form of titillation is okay but the other is not. Strange how each gruesome murder is preceded by a scene of good looking young people having or about to be having sex.

Let me ask you ladies something. If YOU were in a canoe and were being chased by a giant killer swamp shark would you do up your bikini top first instead of paddling faster for the safety of the shore? I suggest you would let the girls fly free in that moment - especially if the breasts in question were particularly magnificent to begin with...which is why you were cast in this movie in the first place. GAH! Do you understand my point here? Cast a girl who will show her boobs or re-write the scene.

Do you see why I hated this movie. The filmmakers teased me with the wrong part and I felt dirty afterwards. I miss the days when properly topless young women were chased through island lagoons by mutated Kimono Dragons - the way GOD intended it to be.

Where have all the flowers gone?



This one actually gets more fun as it goes along with an ending you really have to see to believe. That is not my usual hyperbole either, that's the truth.

6/10