Thursday, June 7, 2018

You Can't Make This Shit Up Folks

I know there is a dearth of good comic book ideas lately but the changes to Wolverine's powers when he 'returns' to the Marvel Universe are so bad that I don't even want to read the comic let alone become involved in all this 'Wolverine is dead but he really isn't because he's being held captive but now there is a body and we have to find that body because it might be Wolverine's body but instead we find him alive once again as we all knew he would be' bullshit. So some creator thought that after all that 'wolverine is not dead' garbage that it would be a good idea to give his claws, which can already cut through anything mind you, the ability to heat up and get really hot. No I mean REALLY hot. What the fuck is the point? So he can roast his own hot dogs and marshmallows? It's as stupid as giving claws to the clone of the Hulk. I am embarrassed for them at this point. Liefeld level embarrassment. This 'change' offends me. The best thing about Wolverine is that he is the perfect superhero. He could be the bad guy but he is not...unless he has to be. It's his calling and his curse. The claws are iconic. As is the healing factor. He needs no 'improvements' I can't believe there would come a time in comics where I would no longer give a shit. Thanks for the movies, guys but you have been circling the bowl for quite some time as far as your flagship product flounders. I could spend days telling you why this is so but for now the words 'heated claws' should say all I need to say. Wow. That's the best they got these days from a place they once called 'The House Of Ideas'.

Yesterday, Marvel officially confirmed that Wolverine is coming back from the dead in Return of Wolverine beginning this September from Charles Soule and Steve McNiven. When he returns, it turns out Logan will have some new tricks up his sleeve, or in his claws as the case may be.

In a video that accompanied the Return of Wolverine announcement, Soule explained that, in order for Logan’s return to mean something, they made a change to his powers and now those razor-sharp adamantium claws of his can now heat up to extreme temperatures when they’re let loose.

Return of Wolverine will complete Charles Soule’s trilogy of Wolverine events that began in 2014 with Death of Wolverine and that continues currently in Hunt for Wolverine. Return of Wolverine promises to finally unveil the answer to the mystery being investigated in the four Hunt for Wolverine miniseries -- Adamantium Agenda, Weapon Lost, Mystery in Madripoor, and Claws of a Killer. Those investigations will conclude in the one-shot Hunt for Wolverine: Dead Ends.

“The four Hunt For Wolverine miniseries all follow different threads in pursuit of our pointy-fisted friend, and each comes to a conclusion with different pieces of the puzzle,” teased Marvel’s X-Men editor Jordan D. White when Dead Ends was announced. “With Dead Ends, the players assemble to bring those puzzle together and see what they learned…but they might not like what they find.”

Now they expect me to read FOUR mini-series to solve a mystery that won't be solved by the end. It will just be more questions and it will infuriate me. Well this is where Calvin gets off this train to Crazytown and says I BOYCOTT!! I could read them all for free but I WILL NOT PARTICIPATE in whatever this is. I have been burned so many times before. But not this time. I will read the reaction in six months when all this crap ends. Then I will see what I didn't miss because I once again predicted the outcome correctly. What a shock.

Though to be honest with you I do like the covers and combinations of characters. Damn you Marvel. Every time I think I am OUT, you pull me back in. NO! I must be strong. For Logan. I must be strong.

Each title features a different creative team and will spin a tale based in a different genre, with its own separate storyline, though all will combine to tell the full story of Logan’s return from the dead. Weapon Lost, by Charles Soule (who scripted Wolverine’s death) and Matteo Buffagni will be a noir detective story; Adamantium Agenda is an action/adventure tale from Tom Taylor and R.B. Silva; Claws Of A Killer is a horror story by Mariko Tamaki and Butch Guice; and Mystery in Madripoor is a tale of dark romance from Jim Zub and Chris Bachalo.



michael graddy said...

Wholeheartedly agree. I was kind of expecting him to be able to shoot the claws like missiles - and then grow them back...I thought that was awful.

This is worse...

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Well, it's still not as bad an idea as Nazi Cap.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

No, it's just as bad. Hulk with claws was a bad idea as were Deadpool and Cable back in the day.