I have been anticipating the 6 part mini-series - 'The Return of Bruce Wayne' - where the character travels through time from the stone age to modern day, adopting various Batman related identities along the way. The covers and the action figures promise us a cave-man batman, a pirate batman, a cowboy batman ect...
I just read issue three. One can be forgiven for assuming it was a rollicking pirate adventure but it is not.
Bruce just appears on a beach where he meets the famous Pirate Blackbeard. To save his life he must lead BB into a cave supposedly filled with treasure. Along the way however, somehow Bruce is given a cape and cowl and with the help of this tribe of Bat Disciples who live like bats in this cave, defeats the evil plans of Blackbeard.
Now my problems with this Grant Morrison penned tale:
*Why show a bat version of a pirate on the cover if you have no intention of having him assume that identity in the first place? I hate that.
*This story follows no internal logic from last issue. Where did the cape and cowl come from? Why was it passed from person to person to find itself JUST where Bruce needed it? (and really DID he need it?)
*Since when does Bruce KNOW when he is going to time shift. The length of time spent in each time period is not a uniform amount and therefor he has no such knowledge to carry from one time period to the next. I fact he should remember nothing because he seems to wake up in the new time period with amnesia about who he is.
*Why don't I just go back and read the first two issues to see what I missed first time around? Because I always have to do that with Grant Morrison and it NEVER answers anything. I would rather have others tell me where I am stupid than go through that anymore.
*Why does Grant Morrison think he is smarter than everyone else? And before you say, "Because he is.", let me say that it takes no smarts to just burp up a story that only Morrison understands. It is smart to write a story that everyone can understand and at the same time have a POINT.
*Why can't the reasons he is time travelling from the past to the future be made more clear. We see other heroes trying to rescue Bruce from the timestream but we don't understand how they are able to attempt.
The writer would not be spoiling the story to give us more background on the how and why Bruce was sent back in time in the first place. Don't tell me all will be clear in the end. I have believed that balloon juice before with Morrison and I always get burned.
*Why does DC let this guy write anything? I am a smart person but following his stories are a real slog. Comics should be fun. They shouldn't hurt my brain. It's like he writes a story then takes out all the parts that could possible make the story go from unreadable to readable and keeps them for himself.
Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness
I forever stand vigilant to protect this planet from the myriad of forces that are always against us. Be it the octopus, zombies, aliens or the robots my team of human agents, and our feline allies, circle the globe in a never ending struggle for human freedom.
I learn all I can on every subject that interests me. I especially enjoy ancient history because in the past there are valuable lessons to be found. Also, if I ever get my time machine to work properly, it would be good to know a bit about possible destinations and what to expect when I get there.
I greatly appreciate beautiful design. Be it manufactured or found naturally I am fascinated by the process of invention. I am attracted to the unique, the strange, the haunted. I like to share what I find on this blog.
And not let us forget the 'Cephalopod Menace' who, if allowed to, would wrap their tentacles around all that is good and pure in this life and crush it until it remained no more. They are creatures of pure spite. Hate is all they know. Death is all they do. They are our most ruthless and determined enemy.
So we fight. Selena has the celebrity contacts, the cat is ruthless and without pity, Roosevelt's ghost has the experience and I do the wetwork.
Fighting for the future of the planet doesn't have to be a chore, however. We can take the time to appreciate all that is cool in this world even as we cut the octopus into bite sized chunks.
This is the reason there has always been and must forever be, a Cave of Cool. Be sure to wipe your feet before you enter.