Chaka listed a number of things he would change if he were king (as silly notion because clearly I would be much better at the job - it JUST makes more sense to choose me - certainly you all see that.)
Anyway he listed what he would do if he were in charge - what would you do? My short list is as follows:
*First of all I would dress like Yul here because a king can wear anything. Especially a big ass earring and those MC Hammer pants. And a sharp looking sash just completes any outfit.
*I would bring the cape and top hat back into fashion. Wearing a monocles would be optional since the comparisons to MR PEANUT would be unavoidable.
*The ice cream truck would also run in the winter, could still drive that slow (so us fat children can catch it) but the creepy tinkling music would have to go. It would follow the mail truck around so that when you heard the mail arrive you could also zip out for a tasty treat.
*Girls who take pictures of themselves in the bathroom that show the camera (get a camera with a timer and tripod) or make that duck lip face in any picture would have their photo privileges removed for six months. On the second offence you are denied the right to post about your life for a year. We take this shit seriously in the new order - you are beautiful, do NOTHING to ruin that in pictures. This includes painting yourself orange or being seen in photos with douchebags or guidos.
*I may or may not marry and take a queen but we will need someone who looks good in gowns and jewelry for those official functions - a consort if you will. Miss Selena will serve the planet in this function regardless of how creepy you all may think that is. Publicly say so at your peril. (We are a progressive and benevolent monarchy but some things still will hurt my feelings)
*Everyone must own or personally know a cat. There is just something about a person that does not recognize the nobility of these animals that is suspect.
I forever stand vigilant to protect this planet from the myriad of forces that are always against us. Be it the octopus, zombies, aliens or the robots my team of human agents, and our feline allies, circle the globe in a never ending struggle for human freedom.
I learn all I can on every subject that interests me. I especially enjoy ancient history because in the past there are valuable lessons to be found. Also, if I ever get my time machine to work properly, it would be good to know a bit about possible destinations and what to expect when I get there.
I greatly appreciate beautiful design. Be it manufactured or found naturally I am fascinated by the process of invention. I am attracted to the unique, the strange, the haunted. I like to share what I find on this blog.
And not let us forget the 'Cephalopod Menace' who, if allowed to, would wrap their tentacles around all that is good and pure in this life and crush it until it remained no more. They are creatures of pure spite. Hate is all they know. Death is all they do. They are our most ruthless and determined enemy.
So we fight. Selena has the celebrity contacts, the cat is ruthless and without pity, Roosevelt's ghost has the experience and I do the wetwork.
Fighting for the future of the planet doesn't have to be a chore, however. We can take the time to appreciate all that is cool in this world even as we cut the octopus into bite sized chunks.
This is the reason there has always been and must forever be, a Cave of Cool. Be sure to wipe your feet before you enter.