Saturday, June 9, 2012

Prometheus (2012) - My Spoiler Loaded Observations




1. When you touch something sticky or slimy, LEAVE THE PLANET IMMEDIATELY

2. They give you a helmet for a reason - wear it. They give you a spacesuit that makes your ass look spectacular - wear it.

3. Why don't they ever give the crew psychological testing to avoid the ones to flip out not five minutes into the movie? They freak out about being in space despite the fact that they volunteered for and supposidly trained the mission. They are just there to make me feel good about their eventual grisly deaths.

4. Oh look, the aliens are artistic - LEAVE THE PLANET IMMEDIATELY


5. A tomb is a tomb is a tomb and they never are places where good things happen. A coffin is closed for a reason. Don't just open one. If something comes alive AFTER you have mistakenly opened one, then run away before it stands up and hits you really hard in the head.

6. All this Hollywood money buys some pretty funky effects.

7. The man vs the elements stuff here is great.


8. Michael Fassbinder, as David, the Artificial Intelligence is brilliant. As much because of his line delivery as his body movements - flawless and believable. Got me thinking. Why send people at all? Why not just send a team of Davids? You can even number them so you can tell them apart as they fight over the morality of their mission even through they are not suppose to have feelings. NOW THERE IS A MOVIE!!!

9. No booze should be allowed in space. No drugs stronger than an Advil in the medical bay. It just helps people make bad decisions far away from home because they are all shitfaced and can't think of anything else to do but lose control and make everything much much worse.

10. No more Charlize Therons in space - that bitch is crazy - ALWAYS CRAZY!

11. Being trapped with some tentacled monster while in a robot operation machine is just about the scariest thing I can now imagine. This is my new worse way to die. I would never survive what someone in this movie survives. I will never have that kind of focus.

12. After that, it never gets better. LEAVE THE PLANET IMMEDIATELY

13. I wish there were more answers than further questions at the end of the film. I feel like I have been teased only to force me to watch the next two in the series and even then I won't know what the hell the point was. I am a bit sick of not having things end the way I want them to - satisfactory. It was so Alien-light and did little for the reputation of the great Ridley Scott.

15. The production design and cinematography are very well done but I was left cold and not the kind of cold that one would find in space - where no one can hear you scream - because there was nothing to really be afraid of.



 


7 comments:

Erik Johnson Illustrator said...

Every review I read for Prometheus started with "I liked it, but..." and then avoided talking about what they didn't like so as to avoid spoilers. After reading about three reviews like this I got so fed up that I sought out spoiler reviews. I actually busted out laughing at some of the plotholes, occasionally wheezing out "This is what really happened?"

Yeah, learning of some of these details has cooled my enthusiasm. I might still see it on $5 Tuesday, just to form my own opinion, but only if I can get a group together to discuss the positives and negatives afterward. Otherwise I might just save my money and wait to see "Brave" instead.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

They should have jetisoned all reference to ALIEN to begin with because it was those expectations that hurt a decent science fiction movie.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

The movie frustrated me because there were so many unanswered questions. I'm still trying to write up my review for Monday. I'll probably have to give away some spoilers. Maybe that would be appreciated?

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

I am with you on this one. There was something missing and I don't thing giving away spoilers will hurt anything. May actually be a better time going in with some info or for what NOT to expect.

M. D. Jackson said...

It's not that it didn't answer questions, it was just that for every question answered they asked about three more.

I've got a review in the works as well. I'm fairly hot/cold about the film

david_b said...

Just saw it last night.. I generally liked it. Plot-holes, oh yeah, but nothing overall 'Huh..?-worthy'.

Well, OK, funny how the guys got lost, but that was pretty stoooopid why they couldn't be located after ALL the exhaustive mapping of the caves by those spinning balls.

I wasn't planning on seeing it, but a buddy talked me into it.

No 'Avengers', but I enjoyed it.

Wildhermit said...

I guess I am an outcast...

I actually really enjoyed it. I had gone in expecting it to really suck and was pleasantly surprised. Kind of hard to say what I liked without spoilers, but it just felt right.