Tales From The Bitch Box

Hey college sports - do you not exploit your athletes enough? Do you not squeeze enough money out of the educational institutions that you represent? Now they are going to have a college championship to determine who is the top college football team each year but the city who holds that event has to pay for the privilege just like they do with the Superbowl. It's a lottery. The city who ponies up the most dough gets the game. What the hell happened to awarding the championship game to the team with the best record? Why not have the winners of the various bowl games play off for the top spot? Because that would make sense. I don't talk a lot of sports and now you know why - it's infuriating to think about sometimes.

To all of you people out there who only know Bruce Jenner as the 'father' on the 'Living With The Kardashians' show, then you need to know something. This motherfucker was once the world's GREATEST athlete when he won the gold metal for the decathlon (ten killer track and field events over two days at the Olympics) at the '76 games in Montreal. He was a sensation. His picture was on the cereal boxes. Then someone he got sucked into the vortex of shit that leads to the Kardashian Universe. Those bitches aren't fit to cleans the man's diaper and it's reality sad to see the brain dead goober that he has become. He's a broken man. The coverage of the London games will include his commentary on the E-Network (famous already for it's Olympic coverage) but I won't be watching. It's too sad to see a guy I once idolized reduced to the shell of the man he is now.

Does anyone else want to see some stupid ass-wipe terrorist attempt something at the London Olympics? I do and I want to see them try to attack the main stadium in slow moving hot air balloons. That way I can watch as all the missiles get launched off the roofs of people's buildings to bring these things to the ground. That would be better than any lame opening ceremonies and fireworks show that they possible could come up with. I hear the production involves a lot of English countryside and woodland fairies and creatures out of British mythology. It's going to be a train wreck. If you doubt me just remember the 'events' they held to celebrate the Queen's Diamond Jubilee. What a hot ticket that was.

Also, can someone tell me why you place your missile defences behind such a fine piece of fence work. No way is anyone getting past that - except maybe THE DOG! And can you give the missiles a bit of color or a splash of whimsy. Does everything have to be that military grey? Paint the Union Jack on them. That would look good and then fill them with fireworks so that when they DO explode over the city we really get a show. Am I the only one with any imagination around here?

I feel a little insulted with my interview for that TLC show about people with weird obsessions. First of all the girl knew nothing about toys. She was just there to get background on how weird I was and how many insanely long hours that I spend to search for action figures. That is not the case. I am not obsessed with collecting, nor does it fill my every waking minutes. This blog is clear proof of that. Now THERE is a crazy obsession - the freakin' non-stop blogging. That's what TRULY makes me a object of ridicule. I had this beautiful story in my head that included my father and how he supported me through two toy collections and a massive comic book one. I like my philosophy of collecting and how I am a student of the design work that goes into these packaging of these toys. That meant nothing to them or at least that was my impression. I know I don't qualify for the kind of character they are looking for and I am glad to know that. I feel bad enough about being a man who lives with his mother and who has a toy collection in her basement. Howard Stern, coincidentally, also ripped into collectors today on his radio show so I am a feeling very defensive about my hobbies and the things I love about them. They don't seem as important as all the other meaningful things that people seem to be doing with their lives like raising kids, making fart jokes and judging bad talent contests on Television.

My hillbilly cousin is having a hippie wedding somewhere in the B.C. bush and the dress code is hippie chic. I so want to outfit my mother in something classically horrible looking but authentic to the era. She already has combat pants and combat boots and I am thinking some kind of groovy poncho she can wear over a tie died t-shirt will take care of all weather situations throughout the day and night. The sun hat should be large and I might overdo it a bit with either necklaces or bracelets. Any thoughts? I of course am the dark sheep that these bastards all abandoned so I will not be attending the festivities even though, clearly, I would be the most interesting one there.