Damn this makes a lot of sense and fills me with hopelessness. You either have human connections or you don't. They just don't appear out of this air and thank the Gods for that because I am too selfishly into myself and my own things to ever bother anyone else with my madness.
Amy Banks: Let me start with a description of a healthy connection, because I think you'll get it. Number one is you have a feeling of zest: that energy, the spark you get with your best friend or somebody when you're in a good conversation. Second is you have clarity about yourself, the other person, and the relationship. The third thing is a sense of value or self-worth. You feel better about yourself. You believe that this person's going to care and that they're going to hear you. And finally, it really breeds a desire for more healthy connection.
When people are chronically disconnected, or in a relationship that has a chronic disconnection, you usually see just the opposite. People have no energy; there's almost a paralysis. They start getting confused about whose issue is this—is it mine, is it yours? So clarity is gone, and you feel bad about yourself. You feel like, I have to protect myself, I feel like I have to be even more isolated. All of the things that go up in a good relationship completely tank in a bad one.