Hell's Kitchen

Good Lord, I love this show. I didn't even know that a new cycle was starting tonight. How appropriate that they would surprise me on my birthday.

When the people that go on SURVIVOR are treated better than those who are on 'Hell's Kitchen', you know you have a train wreck you just can't look away from.

First of all you bring in these people that have been professional cooks all their lives. In the beginning they have that arrogant swagger that most people with the power over life and liver seem to have as part of their personality set.

Second you toss them into a kitchen and basically ask them to make their 'signature dish' and you have it judged by a completely despicable human being whose opinion, in reality, shouldn't amount to anything but for some reason DOES. God herself could come down and tell those contestants that their dish was good and it would not mean more than a backhanded compliment from Ramsey.

Thirdly, and this is the most fun part, they are set a task where basically all they have to do is cook food like they have done for years if not decades. However, being in the snake pit that is 'Hell's Kitchen' with a crazed maniac up your ass all the time seems to be just enough stress to make a person forget even how to warm up a frying pan.

That is the part I like the best. Like terrified puppies they all lose their shit and for the unlucky few that drawn the sweet attention of Mr Ramsey himself, they lose their dream too. He is some kind of special asshole motivator if he can make someone who has been cooking professionally for 30 years rethink their career choice.

That is old school motivational douchebaggery.

The teaser for next week's episode promises a mutiny of all things in the kitchen and I can't wait to see these tough talking contestants fall over each other when Ramsey starts to separate the trouble makers from the group for 'special tutoring'. Wanna bet the mice run right back into the hole they just came out of?

I can respect a show that hates it contestants. And I will revel in that train wreck for as long as the show lets me. It's not called Heaven's Kitchen for a reason, bitches. Now go poach me a turkey pot pie.