Aussie pretty boy John James talked today in a conversation on Big Brother about how pretty people suffer from the fact that others assume things about them that are often not true. Usually to do with intelligence and attitude. Pretty does open door but does it also close them just as fast?
Let me ask you - is there a burden to being good looking?
Do pretty people not have the same problems with self esteem that the rest of us non-pretty people do? Is it easier for me to brush off comments about my looks because I have been doing that most of my life and so have taught myself not to care.
Does a pretty person only have that conversation with themselves on the rare occasion that someone DOESN'T react positively to their appearance? Does the fact that they have so many less negative experiences mean that it is more difficult for them to just brush off the observation than it would be for me? How long does that judgement rattle around in their heads?
I know that I never really thought I cared about what people thought about me or how I looked. I certainly never cared if people thought being in drama was gay or that collecting comic books and action figures was childish.
Even on my blog, I just post and talk about things that I like or find cool. I don't care how people react but is that the truth?
A few weeks ago when I posted a recent picture of myself I got several negative reactions (please, those of you who did comment on that post, know that I am not upset with you in anyway). I know what was said was just lovingly fucking with me. But I still deleted the post that contained the offensive material. Only time in over 5000 posts that I have done that.
The first time I got grief over my harmless crush over Ms Selena I know I felt like a creepy old pervert. But then I realized that that was shit. It's not like I write fanfiction where she is my love slave on Cheeseburger Island. I know myself. I would hope that after all this time that my (often longtime) readers would know me also. I think this blog and I am about so much more than my admiration for her.
Then I got indignant that they thought I was only about that ONE thing and was not the person with literally a billion interests. Thanks for short changing me, bitches.
Did those pictures of me also crush the image readers had of me by showing them the reality? Could they link up the image of me with the content of my blog and be okay with that?
If my photo was just one I nicked from Google (say a picture of Pierce Brosnon) how different would my comments be (other than many references to how awesome a Bond I had been)? Would there be more of them? I know, to the people following me that it would be universally NOT the case because after all this time I have a pretty good idea of who they are.
If someone was crushing on me because of my blog, would they suddenly not feel that way if they knew what I looked like?
I ask the questions anyways.
Any input you may wish to give on this issue is appreciated.
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13 comments:
I used to worry about being ugly and how it'll stop me from finding a woman to love me. I am what i am and don't care and found someone.
I can't see being pretty as a burden but i think it's a very shallow atribute for a person, if that's all they are.
I like your honesty Cal, stay being who you are.
I know what you look like and I'm crushing in you..I hate this world, I really do! I am raising girls and it is so hard to try and outfit them with a balance of good self esteem but NOT a cocky attitude. It is a balance. I have one daughter that looks like a Brazillian model, dark skin, dark hair with perfect highlights, almond eyes and a beauty mark she hates but is gorgeous. My other daughter is beautiful also but she is pale skinned and chunky (yes, same daddy).Do you know how hard it is to raise that kid up when everyone is fawning openly over the other? I pray everyday that I succeed in giving her the pride in herself! I had a guy ask me for a picture on a dating site- I already had like 5 on there. I could tell it was all about the outside with him, so if I got in a car accident or gained weight-he'd fly off like the f-head he was. But he wanted another so I said,, hey,, you want one of my best feature?? The hot part(s) of me that all men should crave? He got all frothy on me expecting TNA. I went online and pulled up a random EKG and sent it to him.. My best feature is my heart. I know it is true and good, I know someday someone will also see that as a gift. If I lost everything else, that will always be there. Stay true. And forgive me for this ramble...It has "girl" written all over it!
Anyone who has insight I would generally rate as higher in general intelligence, but an argument that pretty people have it sooo tough sounds inanely vapid to me. So that's either proving his point on my judgement or my point on his mindless shallowness. Reality shows are generally cast on drama and stupid, so it's up in the air for me.
Pretty or not, social issues arise from anything from height to confidence.
I'd say the pretty people probably get it from me not because they're pretty, but because they glom on to the fads and are epitomized by collar-popping douches in dance clubs.
The 1999 movie She's All That pissed me off so much because the nerd girl Rachael Leigh Cook was already smokin' hot but it wasn't "okay" until she went through the makeover montage.
Hollywood as a town is great, but as a label of the glitz and glamour and "fakeness" of people is stupid.
We are human. We are imperfect. And our imperfections make us real. Strive for perfection in actions, but not appearance. The more "perfect" a person looks, the less real they appear.
Appreciating the differences between us is half the conversation, and believing in perfection is like saying we'd be better off if the crust of the Earth was perfect sphere of polished granite. Madness.
Hopefully that added to the conversation more than it was logorrhea, but the subject gets my hackles up and all akimbo.
I am REALLY hard on myself regarding my appearance. For a long time, I didn't care but now I do. Perhaps it has something to do with getting older. I'm not considering surgery or anything but I am sensitive about my looks for sure.
It also could be because it took me many years to grow into my looks. I was one of those kids that looked like a 35 year old woman at 12. :P
Strangely, I rarely judge others appearance. It's always personality. The more off the wall and odd the better. :P
Adonis like men intimidate me quite frankly. Make me very uncomfortable.
Anyhow.. whatever. If someone doesn't like what you write in your blog or doesn't like how you look, too bad for them. They are the ones missing out on a wonderful guy.
Fuck them.
(((Hugs)))
Laura
Never ask for forgiveness for ramble. Ramble is a gift. Ramble is effort.
I can understand your balance with your girls so I hope that they both meet each other in the middle. You never know how much will end up being envious of the other for the traits the other has.
I find that the things that people praise me about, creativity, problem solving, sense of humor, writing skills, bowling ability all are things that I dismiss because they come so easy for me.
It's the things I don't have like a talent for drawing figures and understanding perspective (in art and not in situations) that bother me the most.
I also like your response to the online date question. You and Robyn need to swap stories.
I always say I would never want to be a girl. Too much damn effort. Why do they ever choose to be one?
Is it a burden being beautiful?
Believe me...I will never know!
Ricky, I loved your analysis. You are the exact person I needed to hear from. This issue make me insane too. I once taught these twin girls. They were the daughters of the Principal and his Phillipino wife. Both of the parents were ordinary shlubs but their daughters were exotic - resulting from that fresh combinations of genetic material.
The previous year the girls were great. Totally unconcerned about their beauty and never let it influence how they treated everyone around them.
Then during the summer they got 'discovered' and in a few short months they turned into the worst example of entitled beauty you had ever seen. I thought they had gotten in an accident and recieved head injuries. The difference what that profound and sudden.
So all of this is probably just a crap shoot. Nurture inner beauty and remember there will always be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
I agree with Ricky also. Besides, if I felt like an old pervert everytime I got a crush on a younger thing, I would be a basketcase.
Dr. Goat. Thank you for that.
Cal, well put.
Beautiful is as beautiful does.
I would imagine that most people don't think they ARE pretty, regardless of what they look like.
I disagree with Nathan. By many published psychological studies, well over 50% of people would judge themselves as "more attractive than average."
And I would say that, despite that study, I am, personally, pretty damn hot. I keep my visage hidden because I run a business in a conservative bastion ("He has to give me a new name. He's already chosen it. He just has to call it out.") of Ohio.
Basically, I look like Corey Feldman.
Point being, most people think they're more attractive than average.
Well aren't you a pretty boy (I keed because I love). Now do you look like Corey or his double, Times Square wannabee bomber Muhammed Al Corey Feldman?
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