This Doesn't Look Sanitary

A coin depicting a cleanly-shaven Alexander the Great.

In the time of Alexander the Great the custom of smooth shaving was introduced. Reportedly, Alexander ordered his soldiers to be clean shaven, fearing that their beards would serve as handles for their enemies to grab and to hold the soldier as he was killed. The practice of shaving spread from the Macedonians, whose kings are represented on coins, etc. with smooth faces, throughout the whole known world of the Macedonian Empire. Laws were passed against it, without effect, at Rhodes and Byzantium; and even Aristotle conformed to the new custom, unlike the other philosophers, who retained the beard as a badge of their profession. A man with a beard after the Macedonian period implied a philosopher, and there are many allusions to this custom of the later philosophers in such proverbs as: “The beard does not make the sage.”

I imagine these guys sharing some rusty piece of metal which spread all kind of new diseases on the battlefield. This is a solution looking for a problem. Where would the mice or lice live if not for the ancient shaggy beard? It just seems wrong in a culture that had yet to invent SOCKS to put this kind of restriction on a guy.

Lighten up Alex. I think I know how to protect myself from all the evil 'beard pullers' out there. I DO have this pointed stick in my hand, you know? Do I now have to shave my head for the same reason? What about my nutsack? Once you begin all this manscaping it can become a slippery slope. Maybe you have the time to worry about every loose and stray hair but I am trying to march across ASIA MINOR here! I lost my tweezers in the last melee you had us go through.

Plus, you have to understand that a beard is a commitment, it's a lifestyle. It's a way to rebel against The Man. Do you really want to have my naturally violent and rebellious nature unchanneled in that way? I might decide one day that your stupid shaving edict makes YOU unworthy of command. Then you will be know as Alexander The Numnut Who Could Have Been Great.