There are ways that 'the Man' gets to you that you never realize until you are in the situation that I am about to describe. Here I am at Costco marvelling at their enormous food packages (I mean a package of puffed wheat the size of a bouncy castle at a kid's outdoor birthday party) and how I can save a buck if I buy the big size of Cheez Whiz. I figure why run out when you will know for the next six months that you have 'da Whiz' at the ready whenever you need some. It's not like the stuff will go bad until the five year mark anyways.
Now it's six months later and what the brochures DON'T tell you is that you have no way of getting the spread from the bottom of the jar without getting your hand covered in the stuff or getting your hand actually stuck in the jar.
What started out as a bit of snacking becomes a trip to the E.R.
It's not like the ketchup bottle that you can just turn upside down and it will be there next time when you need it. With Cheez Whiz all you can do is try to find a branch from the yard long enough to scoop out what you need.
And you refuse to throw it out until you get every last bit of processed cheese spread out of the jar. It's a nightmare.
To make me further crazy I see that they now have it in a squeeze bottle. A SQUEEZE BOTTLE???? How long has this been kept from me? I gotta stay on top of EVERYTHING in this world or they will try to slip things past me.
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10 comments:
That's why I don't go to Costco anymore. That and every time I was in there I felt like a tiny mouse inside a box full of stuff inside some cosmic garage. Although if you hit it on the right day the mouse got to munch on sample noms every few steps.
But honestly, I can't take the existential angst.
I look around in our Costco here in town and marvel at the fact that there is enough food in just this one (there are 2 here) Costco to feed an entire third world country. Then multiply that by thousands around the US.
But Cal baby. Cheez Wiz? I fear for your innards having to process all those chemicals. I eat alot of Mayonesse, so I guess I can't talk, but I hope you balance that out by eating real cheese.
Oh that store is overflowing with delicious angst...and free samples. That is how they getcha.
I keep looking for that huge container of pancake syrup shaped like Aunt Jemimah as it's portrayed in the 'Simpsons' but I never do.
Everything in moderation Dr G.
If you can't get it out of the can by putting it straight in your mouth, what good is it? That's the only way to eat cheez whiz...Just like Reddi Whip....but that one used to have other uses before I became a nun.
I hate being a nun..
Oh I love the cheese in a can. I love the concept and the execution. I love the Ready Whip too.
And just because you are NOW a nun doesn't mean you were born one or forgotten those carnival tricks you learned. That should give all the men out there hope. You can be defrocked at any moment.
Maybe a good defrocking IS in order...I'll alert the convent..
Yeh I figure you are pretty much gonna need a three day pass from them. Just to be on the safe side. You don't want to be running back there in mid rapture.
I love Cheez Wiz....
I hear Canadians spread it on their toast in the morning for breakfast...but I prefer to pu it on corn chips...for breakfast.
We spead it on our toast and our hurculean bodies. Me, I like it on celery sticks.
Don't buy Cheez Whiz much, but I do make homemade Mac & Cheese with a block of Velveeta 2%. Yummmm.
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