Tuesday, December 21, 2010

It's Diabetes For Me



I guess all the high fructose sugar has caught up with me and my biggest fear has come true. I have Type 1 Diabetes, the one I guess I can control with diet and exercise and not insulin which is the less fun one. I still get to check my sugar with that cool little machine like a car checks it's oil so I have that to look forward too but I don't get to stick myself in the hip.

My biggest fear and the reason I am taking all this seriously is that I don't want to go blind. I would put a gun to my head if I went blind. You will all know that I have gone blind by all the huge explosions that happen simultaneously all over the world. This signifies the destruction of all my 'Caves of Cool' which are triggered to implode the second my heart does.

You know my enemies want my secrets. However, don't worry, all of you who have worked with me all these years will get your instructions delivered in large brown envelopes. Keep them secret. Keep them safe.

Remember - There must always be a Cave of Cool and ONE DAY, one of YOU will have to carry the legend on.


Also, this chart is stupid. Of course those wounds didn't heal quickly - they were BULLET WOUNDS and HARPOON WOUNDS. Jeez, if those healed quickly I would be in gun battles with squids every second day.

I was to suppose to have sudden weight loss??? Great. I am the only person on the planet who doesn't lose weight on either heroin or diabetes.

Vaginal Infections - Those she brought in with her and that may have added to my sexual problems....not that I am saying I have any....HAD any. I am still the stallion I was at 18....well...24.

Of course I am always tired. You try swimming from 25 miles offshore when your one man submarine is torn apart by a giant squid...THEN fighting that squid all the way back to the safety of land. Let's see if you don't need a nap when you reach the beach.

I just thought the blurry vision was all part of the vaginal infections. 'nuff said and my bad.

And the tingly fingers and toes I blamed on my desire to wear tight socks and mittens. I had my mittens taken once and it's not a cold you soon forget, laddie Jim.

16 comments:

Wings1295 said...

Sorry to hear that, sir. Hopefully the diet & exercise gets you back in cephalopod-fighting shape in no time!

Wings1295 said...

Any word on the other issue?

SamuraiFrog said...

I'm so sorry and mildly terrified to read this. There are so many others that deserve to be inflicted with something, and the good ones... god damn it.

DEZMOND said...

my father has TYpe 2.
You know what this means, Cal, you need to change your life totally now - start walking at least an hour every day, eating healthy, lots of fruit and vegetables, no junkfood, cut down on fatty and sweet food ... And less stress off course.
But on the bright side lots and lots of sex is good for you :)

Budd said...

That sucks, Cal. At least you are taking the news with good humor.

Guess it is time to finally give in to those P90x infomercials.

M. D. Jackson said...

The diet thing gets easier to take as you go along. Giving up certain foods may seem like a real sacrifice but, trust me, you won't really miss them after a while. In fact, when you do slip up and eat or drink something you shouldn't (and you will) there will be a part of you that will wonder why you even ate or drank that stuff in the first place.

As for the exercise... yeah... I'm still working on that.

Paladin said...

Sorry to hear that, Pal. I know a couple of folks that have Type 1, and they have been able to manage it quite well by taking the proper steps. My Grandfather on my Mother's side had Type 2 - back when it killed you pretty quickly - and he died a very young man when my Mom was a girl. I don't have it, but its always in the back of my mind since its in the family.

I think you'll do fine, Cal. You're not the type to back away from a challenge, even one posed by your own body. That's the most important thing when dealing with Type 1 - realizing what you need to do and doing it.

Drake said...

*hugs*
Take care of yourself Amigo, the World needs you!

TS Hendrik said...

That both sucks and blows. But you're one tough guy and I'm sure you'll be up and back in fighting shape no time flat.

Sam G said...

My Mom has type 2 diabetes for a few years now. Stay strong Cal.

Michael May said...

Crap, dude. I'm sorry to hear that. :(

Nick Ward said...

Sucky suck suck. I'm sure you'll weather it with your usual stubborn-headed brilliance. You are of the cave and you are cool. Respect.

D.I. Felipe González said...

We'll have to ration your Noms. Be brave Boreal Cal, you're an inspiration for bloggers (and squid hunters).

csmith2884 said...

You will be able to keep this under control ..no problem..yours is the will of 10 men I say.

ISRAEL CARRASCO said...

Check out this documentary on diabetes. There is hope.

http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/simply-raw-reversing-diabetes-in-30-days/

Simon B said...

Very sorry to hear that, Cal. Take care of yourself, mate...