I Knew This Would Happen

The SECOND I get all tough and try to stop posting about everything I see, three ideas that are irresistible to me just land in my head and my lap. I knew I would need at least a couple of days to ween myself off the teet of the blog.



First there is the above picture I saw on Brother May's place from Maury Povich's 'FEAR' shows. Pretty much the greatest topic done on any show ever in the history of the medium. I SO need to tell everyone about the best episode of this series of show.

Steady Cal. You can fight this big fella. Ah fuck it. Here is what I posted on Michael's blog:

Those are the awesomely wicked Maury Povich 'FEAR' shows. They bring in people with crippling fears of things...mostly bugs or snakes or dogs or birds or kittens or chickens. I mean REALLY bad fears.

They are first interviewed and Maury will bring out a kitten or show only a picture of a kitten at which point the guest loses her shit and usually runs screaming. I kid you not.

Then after the torture of having the think you fear shoved in her face, Maury has a guy hypnotise them and by the end of the show they can hold a kitten or a tarantula in their hands and in some cases juggle them both at the same time.

It's the best thing I have ever seen anyone do a show on ever. The best one - and please know that to choose ONE is a real 'Sophie's Choice' for me - was the one about the woman who was terrified of cotton balls. Yes, COTTON BALLS.

So they got one Maury intern to dress up like cotton ball snowmen. Must have taken them a day and half to glue all the cotton balls on him.

Next 'Snowy' came out at her from backstage. I thought she was gonna DIE. The woman runs backstage thinking she is going to safety only to find interns in the hall with plastic container FULL of cotton balls to shove in her face. What kind of sick fuck IS this Maury Povich?

At the end of the show, however, both her and the intern without dignity hugged it out. It was beautiful man. I half wanted the Cotton Ball Man, as he was going in for the hug, to start screaming at her and try to grab onto her like a crazy person.

When she breaks away and runs in terror off the stage for the second time, you show Maury looking at the hypnotist when he says, "I guess that one didn't take, huh?".

Here is the clip. Don't say I don't love you or ever do anything nice for you. You can thank me later.


MAURY EXTREME FEARS & PHOBIAS - Cotton and Foam - Free videos are just a click away

Then there are the descriptions of these two stories from 'FARK'. I can feel myself weakening significantly. I start to hate all of you.

*Good Lord: where to start? Man - who lives in a trailer with his mom - holds up gas station with caulk gun, flees with transgendered prostitute while attendant fights back with plastic trash can... (Oh, just click it already, would ya')

*President of the Detroit School Board resigns for what he calls "health reasons." Apparently, playing with yourself during school board meetings is a "health condition"