Now I know that the cephalopod bastard can manipulate tools. We have seen this when he carries around a coconut to use as a hat or a house. We know that they are soft and squishy - boneless if you will. While this evolutionary trait allows them to squeeze into smaller and smaller tubes and spaces, it does nothing to protect them against your modern spear guns or jack hammers.
Now, I hate to point finger or name names but some human collaborators (you know who you are) seem to think that developing ARMOR for the octopus is a good thing. "Lets send them into battle with those evil humans and give them a fighting advantage" - forgetting all along about the sticky tentacles and ink blasters they already possess.
Let me remind these numnuts that once they break through the front lines of the struggle, who do you think they are coming after next? Yes, that's right, your plump and juicy high fructose corn laden children lounging about in their backyard 'Mr Turtle' pools.
That is not the time for you to suddenly grow a conscience and regret that you ever put pen to paper, designing these armored abominations. Either you are with your fellow two legged genetically similar neighbors or you are a dancing monkey in the cephalopod's circus of death. (can we just pause for a moment and recognize that that last bit was some FINE piece of writing?)
Choose your side wisely and choose now. NO NO NO, you don't have to ask your wife. Man up and make a choice for once. I am sorry we ever taught you how to weld in high school metal shop. Personally you make me sick.
I forever stand vigilant to protect this planet from the myriad of forces that are always against us. Be it the octopus, zombies, aliens or the robots my team of human agents, and our feline allies, circle the globe in a never ending struggle for human freedom.
I learn all I can on every subject that interests me. I especially enjoy ancient history because in the past there are valuable lessons to be found. Also, if I ever get my time machine to work properly, it would be good to know a bit about possible destinations and what to expect when I get there.
I greatly appreciate beautiful design. Be it manufactured or found naturally I am fascinated by the process of invention. I am attracted to the unique, the strange, the haunted. I like to share what I find on this blog.
And not let us forget the 'Cephalopod Menace' who, if allowed to, would wrap their tentacles around all that is good and pure in this life and crush it until it remained no more. They are creatures of pure spite. Hate is all they know. Death is all they do. They are our most ruthless and determined enemy.
So we fight. Selena has the celebrity contacts, the cat is ruthless and without pity, Roosevelt's ghost has the experience and I do the wetwork.
Fighting for the future of the planet doesn't have to be a chore, however. We can take the time to appreciate all that is cool in this world even as we cut the octopus into bite sized chunks.
This is the reason there has always been and must forever be, a Cave of Cool. Be sure to wipe your feet before you enter.