Thursday, September 30, 2010

I Hate Facebook

I hate being show pictures of my past from parties that I was never cool enough to be invited too. I was just as goofy as all of them with my big ass medallions and velour shirts. And I was the one that WON the 24 hour dance marathon, often without a partner to learn on. That was determination baby.

It wasn't until I moved to Alberta that I got to go to the cool parties. Well that is beccause I had a wicked ass volkswagon with the best heater ever. Those girls didn't love me. They just loved my warmth. - external and not internal.

I Want Some Pepsi Throwback

I will pay for anyone to send me a case of Pepsi Throwback, the one made with real cane sugar and not fructose corn syrup. If you can get it to me in bottles that would be great but I will enjoy the cans too. Let me know how much it costs to send by overnight delivery. I have birthday money that I want to spend on this. Let me know if you can help me out.

I Have Decided To Do A Pumpkin Picture A Day Until Halloween - Day 1

Octopus Holidays

"Get ready for a oil ball to the face you two armed scuba equipted bitch. I love vacationing at the Gulf of Mexica, don't you Inky?

Happy 60th Anniversary

Early this week I read about 'comfort movies' - movies that people return to over and over again. I have some of those but mostly I have comfort cartoons. 'Yogi Bear', 'Huckleberry Hound, Bird Man - virtually all of the Hanna/Barbara collection.

When I watch them I feel better about the world and my place in it. But my favorite of them all are "The Flintstones". Coming home for lunch as a kid you had time for 'The Flintstones', then a 'Yogi Bear' cartoon before you had to get back to school.

I was lucky enough to have a buddy who lived near the college I attended for my first two years in the faculty of education. His folks worked at a chicken stand at the mall so there was aways great chicken and chips to gorge ourselves on while watching the 'Flintstones' which never let you down in terms of wacky entertainment. That was a good two years worth of lunches. Thank you Flintstones and all the great cartoons of my youth.

Weta Is Wonderful - Long Live Dr. Grordbort

I love the way that 'Weta' studios have turned their design talents to creating steampunk weapony and assessories that could only have existed in that twisted Victorian age that the steampunk is. I am currently makeing my list to order from Amazon and it's great that they have made a trailer for their first gun.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

What Makes Me Smile From My Tumblr

Esquina de la Estresllita has inspired me to list images of things that mean a lot to me and express my interests. Many such genres have been crammed into my tumblr but for my Second Anniversary I should express them here to show all you bitches who DO NOT also visit my tumblr and who think I am merely a one-trick pony.

Maybe next year all the pictures will be of me and some beautiful adventureres who has fallen in love with me over this blog and moves here to love me. Sigh - dreams and performing witchcraft every year to make it happen. We could buy an RV and travel the country ya know. Please get your applications in early.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

The Meanest Person In The World

When you are a blogger you put yourself out there. Often, after a sound insult it is only right to challenge the one who made the insult with 'pistols at dawn'. This is the way MEN settle there difference. We don't say that someone who dresses like Prince and has a creame cheese body odor is hardly a man.

But it seems that Reputation@Stake, while deciding not to show up for our duel, deciding to go right for my soft, gentle heart. I can only read this faux letter with my eyes filling with the tears.

His bitch ass face has no idea of Selena and my relationship so who is he to speak. You got me good my foe and you also hurt a sweet girl who had to remind me that none of your spiteful bile was true.

You can hurt me but not my best girl so she is providing me with proper transportation to come to deliver bed bugs to your underwear. I didn't want to creep her out anymore by telling her that youw will forever need to go commando, ya freak.

I will not forget your insult(and the shear effort which under any other situtation I would totally respect - love the cool 'Tiger Beat' form you took) and will save your punishment for when you find a happy moment in your life that I can crush to dust. I guess this time I will have to do my 'wetwork' on dry land that smells like Tennesse swamp gas. Enjoy the time you have left buddy. Here is what started it all.

Love Kal

A few days ago Cal, over at Cal’s Canadian Cave of Coolness, challenged me to a duel. I think I insulted his honor, or blog, or something (I was distracted by a piece of lint on my shoe), and he suggested pistols at dawn. Unable to turn down a duel, bet, or contest of any kind, I have decided to accept his challenge. Lacking an actual pistol, I am using this post to fire the first shot. (And I apologize to everyone else for any inside jokes this post contains.)

This letter, coincidentally, appeared in my mailbox immediately after I was challenged to a duel

The Golden Pin

I told a story awhile ago about being pleased with being able to enjoy the music, plays and operas at some of the coolest opera hall in Germany and France as a kid. The story basically ended with an old rich dowager pinning this pin on my little suit coat. It's value has been valued at $5000 dollars. To her was a throwaway fin but to our family it's a treasured family heirloom.

From Across The World

Man, these two remind me of each other thanks to Brother Nick. One is New Zealand actress Kate Rickie and the other is favorite beautiful psychedelictits. I find the both to be amazingly beautiful. There is something about both of their faces that you just can't stop staring at.

The Umbrella Academy - by Gerald Way and Jeremy Ha

On of the most original team of heroes with a weird Lovecraftian origin. This is a dysfunctional family of heroes who sometimes are able to put aside their dislike for themselves and each other in order to save the world.

Their powers are ones you have never seen before and the script is wacky and witty and above all WELL TOLD. Morrison would try to pull something like this off and there would be no way he could have. Sure it was written by the guy in the music group 'My Chemical Romance' - but don't let that keep you from missing this Eisner Awarded classic.

This is about as good as comic books stories get and would make a terrific movie from a studio this prepared to change nothing about the graphic novel like was done with 'Kick Ass'.

These Look Very Cool

I would like a framed example of these delicate maple leaves.

Squiddly Diddly

I always hated this lame ass character. Where are the extra two arm? That's right, they didn't draw them because it wasn't worth the time and effort. And that name - you are an octopus and not a squid. You both may both be cephalopods but you are entirely different frickin' creatures - both stupid but different.

Look how pathetically he tries to make friends at the beach so that at night he can drag them to their death in the icy blackness of the ocean. Nice move bringing an electric guitar around water. Maybe his death by electrocution ended this cartoon. Fuck him and his little hat.

The More You Know

This is why you ladies should never even look at them let alone engage them in converation. You can just see how it's sweatly slick voice is trying to convince her to do something against her best interest. Seeing that the girl is Japanese it more than likely has something to do with tentacle porn. Run away girl! Run away before it's too late and you find youself on some sick fetish site on the Internet.

60 Second Stories By Kal - The Poppy

I love it when I get comments from way way back in the the Cave of Cool way back post machine. It' shows that new followers were entertained enough to keep reading backwards or start from the beginning and enjoy the full evolution of my blog. That is very cool. When I went back to comment on what he had said about a post last February, I found this story and it was perfect for my "60 Second Stories" theme. So Enjoy even if you have read it before.

When I was a teen I was an Air Cadet. We did alot of fundraising for various organizations like the Canadian Legion who sell poppy pins around our Remembrance Day. Its how we honor our war dead. The poppy flowers grew wild in Belgium where alot of Canadians fought and died during the first World War. A Poem, 'In Flanders Field' is one of those all Canadian kids learn and memorize.

"In Flanders Field, the poppies grow, among the crosses, row on row..."

Now one cold November night we were downtown Brandon, Manitoba outside the fanciest hotel catching people as they come and went getting their donations in exchange for a poppy. I was with my buddy.

Suddenly we heard a voice behind us ask if she could have one. We both turned around and saw what to my eyes, was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. Right in front of us she stood, gorgeous long golden red hair, greenest of green eyes, lips like the reddest cherries and wearing a knee long golden fur coat with brown leather boots that gave her more height than us.

If we were cartoon characters our eyes would have done that BOING thing. And yes, other things were 'boinging' as well.

She dropped a twenty is our can and asked my friend if he could pin it on her lapel. As she said that she opened her coat to access it and underneath she was naked. I swear her skin glowed and of course the rest of her was perfect - Michelangelo perfect. We even caught a glimpse of her body perfume. It was like dying in a flower store.

She was not being a tease, but she knew exactly what she was doing. I think she thought two young soldier boys in their sharp uniforms working a good cause in the cold was worth a quick memory searing moment. She was right. Oh, did I mention the boots were thigh high and folded over at the top like pirate boots.

He pinned the poppy, she did up the buttons and got into a cab and drove out of our lives forever.

Later on we realized she must have been doing some of the 'lord's work' at the hotel because about a half hour later a limo pulled up and took our provincial PREMIER, who we recognized, from the hotel. Even at 15 we could put 6 and 9 together. Lucky Bastard. But he had MY vote in the future for damn sure.

So now when I see any pair of boots on a woman I think of that moment. I HATE when women wear high heels in porn movies and leave them on when they get completely naked but the boots are just fine. She could have a burlap potato sack as lingerie as long as she invests in the boots

I Don`t Trust Cows

I don`t mind all the aliens kidnapping our Bovine`s but I don`t know if I trust the ones that are brought back. That just reeks at desperation and alien nerds needed dates for some alien prom. That is why most cows they return are wearing corsages.

Mad Love (1935)

I am a fan of Peter Lorre. He has always played creeps and losers so well but this early role is one of his most creepy. Heavily influenced by the German expressionist films like Metropolis and M, this movie has the same twisted shadows and cramped sets that give us an atmosphere of dread.

The story involved a couple named Orlac (Colin Clive - who also played Dr. Frankenstein - "He's Alive".) who come into contact with a weird surgeon named Dr Gogol. Gogol is a megalomaniac, obsessive who like Golum has an evil side that talks to him in the mirror and tells him to commit murder later in the film.

The Doctor spends his evenings watching the performance of an actress that he in is love with. She has no idea he exists and even when he is introduced to her, she finds him to be very weird.

The bald head, fur lined coat and monotone speech pattern of Lorre certainly add to his strangeness. We understand right away that although he is brilliant - he is also insane. He even keeps a wax figure of the actress in his secret room upstairs.

The actress's (Frances Drake) husband is a famous composer and pianist whose hands are crushed in a train accident. After told by reputable surgeons that the hands can't be saved, the wife visits the creepy Doctor who agrees, after seeing the execution of a knife throwing murderer at the guillotine, to do the operation. Of course he transfers the hands of the executed killer to those of the piano player. You have the feeling that the Doctor has ulterior motives.

With a successful transplant the piano player thinks he can return to his former profession but his failure at that makes him frustrated - a frustration he exhibits by throwing pens and knives at people he hates, just like the guy who was executed did. The hands of the killer still carry within them the need to kill.

When he tells this to the surgeon, Dr. Gogol gives him bad advice in the hopes that the piano player will kill someone, thus giving the surgeon a clear shot at the actress. It's all very sinister but unlike later movies that use the same theme, both the husband and wife seem to suspect early on that the good and brilliant Dr. Gogol is a loon.

The piano player then meets a mysterious man who may or may not be the criminal that was guillotined early in the movie and whose hands were used to fix the piano player. His appearance must have scared the crap out of audiences in 1935.

The entire movie, in fact, is unsettling, with Lorre playing one of the most deranged killers in movie history. It`s a fantastic performance and one of those lost gems from the early days of movies that you might want to check out.

Fun Family Outing Turns Bad

Mr. Squid is going on a picnic with his pet!

Notice how he doesn't name that pet. Because while he will arrive with a pet, he certainly WON'T be leaving with one.

That basket is full of condiments and sharp eating utensils.

Monday, September 27, 2010

I Have Stood This Close To This Crown

Personal Imperial Crown made for Holy Roman Emperor Rudolf II. It later became the Imperial Crown of Austria and will come to me when I finally establish my benevolent monarchy