Saturday, August 1, 2009

This Graph is for the Octopus


Hey cephalopod, take a look over here. I got something to show you. This is a graph showing the most lethal creatures on the planet. Its comparing lions, cobras, scorpions, sharks, crocodiles and man. You see that red line on the graph, the one going all the way to the top? Yes that one. Do you see the silhouette under the red line? You do? Good. Now tell me...what species is that? That's right...its MAN. All those other creatures around man have lines that don't nearly go up as far. Do you know why that is? You don't? Well let me enlighten you. For all the snarling and biting or stinging that those other creatures do, the most dangerous thing on this planet is MAN...a hairless, air breathing mammal with opposable thumbs and wicked imagination. You must have noticed that you, yourself, didn't make the list. That should tell you something. It should remind you that your death toll don't count for shit. You think you are all bad ass? In truth you are playing around with a loaded gun my friend when you threaten us. We humans don't even like EACH OTHER so what makes you think we would have any love for you? You are not fluffy like the kitty or the baby judgement bear...you are just slimy and inky. Hell, without water to hold you up your boneless ass would really have nowhere to go. I am giving you a copy of this graph to take back to the sea with you so you can share it will all your tentacled buddies. This is your ONE warning. You will not get another. Mess with us and we will Kentucky fry your ass and serve you with dipping sauce. That's just how we roll bitch. Thank you for your attention.

3 comments:

Wings1295 said...

I just wish a lot of our "lethalness" wasn't due to our own ignorance. :(

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

Having the big brain and the big thumbs never gaurentees that we will make the right decisions.

Michael May said...

Still...

IN YOUR FACE, OCTOPUS!