Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Mars or Wooosh


As I watch everyone crack up on 'Big Brother UK' I came to a realization - we are never going to Mars. The mere fact that it would take six months to get to the red planet means that it will require people to be holed up in a spaceship for nearly half a year for the trip there...then staying time..and then six months back. If anything 'Big Brother' proves that extended time spent in the company of the same people is a recipe for disaster. I would be 'woooshing' people out the airlock on a regular basis after using a trail of candy to lure them in. They would have to double up on the skill sets each person had because when we lose a pilot (and the pilot would be the biggest dick you just know he would) they will need someone else trained to do that job. In fact I can see myself being the last crewman on board if I don't get myself 'woooshed' first. Why would I ever do such a thing you ask? Because people suck and no matter how nice they are or sexy they are, NO ONE is compatible with anyone else for that length of time. Its whomever gets to the 'open airlock' button first that determines if you live or die. That is why prisons have riots and postal working go off their nut. Confinement breeds murder. Come to think of it I would probably 'wooosh' the experimental insects like the ants and the cockroaches we would bring on our journey to Mars. They would just get on my nerves for gossiping behind my back. Asking for that octopus to come on the trip too would not be for any scientific study...its would just be so that I could 'wooosh' it when the whole confinement got to me. Everyone would know I had cracked when the fricken cephalopod was no longer on board. It would be like the canary in the coal mine warning of danger. You can do all the screening you want NASA but you can't plan for every contingency or annoying habit. Even if you didn't have an airlock on the entire ship we would still find a way to 'woooosh' each other. Its our nature. Its how we roll as a species.

2 comments:

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

I go to Mars with Mila.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

Now that is the first sane thing I have heard all week. Its that kind of forward thinking that will save us all in the end.