One of the downsides to all the free socialist medical treatment I get because of my recent diagnosis of diabetes is that I have to attend five hours worth of education classes about my disease. They are scheduled for tomorrow.
Well I don't HAVE to attend them but I signed up for them when I was first diagnosed and I was scared and trying to impresses Shannon, my cute personal nurse. BTW - she comes to me free on a weekly basis like all my testing supplies and my glucose monitor, free doctors visits and any additional medications I may need. (Suck on THAT oh so superior U.S. medical system.)
I would totally bale but I promised and I don't need to hear lectures from my Mother or the South Africa Witch Doctor that signs my prescriptions and of course Shannon, who thinks of me like a bad boyfriend, one that she can somehow 'FIX'. I don't have the heart to tell her that lesser woman have tried and failed...then tried and died.
I will have nightmares tonight of being talked down to and reminded every ten minutes that 'sugar is bad, mkay'. I really hope they don't have a sugar based cartoon mascot or I will beat the crap out of it when we are on our break.
You know any snacks they bring will be sugar free. No delicious Timbits donut holes for these classes.
What could possible take FIVE HOURS? After two and a half hours in the morning are they going to follow me to see what I get for lunch? Will the disapproving sugar police drag me away from 're-education' if I make too sweet a choice?
Do I get a certificate when I have completed the class? They better use nice calligraphy for my name.
Can I meet some cute girl with low self esteem and sugar cravings that I can charm into dating me? This is were my bald head and magnificent facial hair should pay serious dividends. Admit it ladies, you are powerless against it.
At least the classes are held at my old college, Red Deer College which is a really good school. I look forward to walking around on my breaks. I am sure all the punks that currently attend will recognize my status as an alumni and treat me with the respect accorded to me.
On the other hand they probably will just beat me do death with one of the heavy biology textbooks and steel my blood monitoring kit. Then I am really screwed. Oh wait, no I am not. I can just go to my local pharmacy and get all my supplies replaced for free in about ten minutes. (Sorry U.S. health care system. I couldn't resist)
I forever stand vigilant to protect this planet from the myriad of forces that are always against us. Be it the octopus, zombies, aliens or the robots my team of human agents, and our feline allies, circle the globe in a never ending struggle for human freedom.
I learn all I can on every subject that interests me. I especially enjoy ancient history because in the past there are valuable lessons to be found. Also, if I ever get my time machine to work properly, it would be good to know a bit about possible destinations and what to expect when I get there.
I greatly appreciate beautiful design. Be it manufactured or found naturally I am fascinated by the process of invention. I am attracted to the unique, the strange, the haunted. I like to share what I find on this blog.
And not let us forget the 'Cephalopod Menace' who, if allowed to, would wrap their tentacles around all that is good and pure in this life and crush it until it remained no more. They are creatures of pure spite. Hate is all they know. Death is all they do. They are our most ruthless and determined enemy.
So we fight. Selena has the celebrity contacts, the cat is ruthless and without pity, Roosevelt's ghost has the experience and I do the wetwork.
Fighting for the future of the planet doesn't have to be a chore, however. We can take the time to appreciate all that is cool in this world even as we cut the octopus into bite sized chunks.
This is the reason there has always been and must forever be, a Cave of Cool. Be sure to wipe your feet before you enter.