Yeh I Have Something To Say About The New 'Dancing With The Stars'

It's a fact around my house that for two hours on a Monday night I am watching either 'The Bachelor' or 'Dancing With The Stars' with my mother. Don't judge me. This is our bonding time until 'Survivor' and 'The Amazing Race' later in the week.

I listen to my mother talk to her friends on the phone. She is funny and snarky and bitchy and bawdy - totally the opposite of the person I know who is all class until she watches fart comedies like 'National Lampoon's Senior Trip' or 'Married With Children'. These reality shows also bring out that 'other' side of her.

'Dancing' is no exception. We love certain people and hate others. Kate Goslin was especially hated around our house for her poor dancing abilities and the look of total fear in her eyes.

This cycle we are all out to see how Kirstie Alley does. You know her, she was once thin and beautiful with the smokiest of smokey eyes acting around the likes of Patrick Swayze in such miniseries as 'North and South'. Lately, however, she has become the butt of every fat joke out there.

Even leading up to the show there were jokes about her breaking the dance floor unless it was reinforced.

Tonight was her time to show everyone that she was taking all this seriously. The first show is one of the more interesting ones for me to watch because I like to see which 'star' has been matched with which professional dancer.

Kirstie got matched with Maxim. Now Maxim is all human male ego in this world wrapped in a tanned skin of arrogance. He thinks he is all that and every bag of potato chip in the world. He wears his shirts open to show off how even more magnificent he is (in case you missed the point). I hate him. I express my hate for him directly to the TV each week.

He almost won last year with the waif of a celeb that he had working for him. He even started buttoning his shirt all the way up to the top. For the first time he had a chance of winning. He didn't. I thought that taught him to be humble.

But now he has the hopes of everyone fat one of us out there in his hands. He has to take Kirstie from zero to sixty long enough for her to survive the first couple of weeks of cuts. If he can do that and overcome his urge to be mean to her because she is not a perfect specimen like he is, then he will become a dance instructing God.

I hope the best for the both of them. She was impressive tonight if overcoming expectations is all she had to do. Lots of press will come out of this and that will be good for the show. Don't hate me. I am a multi talented Renaissance man with many interests.