Snake Eyes (2021)

You would think that the secret origin of one of the most popular members of GI JOE would have more to it than it eventually has. It's a strange take of redemption that has a character without anything to redeem, really. In truth he is actually the villain of the film if you follow the plot for all of ten minutes.

We, like him, are just following a path that will take us to the point where we get to see his iconic helmet while finally understanding what makes our secretive Snake Eyes tick and why he never speaks. We are denied that joy, however. It's like the people who made this movie had no idea what franchise they were dealing with and what fan boys wanted. After all, why make the movie in the first place then?

They also totally change the relationship between Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes which saw them grow up as children in past films, something the movie alters but not for the better. It makes for a better origin story if you make one child bad and one child good. Here, the motivations of the hero seems murky at best. He could be anyone seeking the murderer of his father among the Yakuza, not the greatest legend GI JOE has in their ranks.

Little about GI JOE or COBRA IS mentioned in the film which seems like a big oversight. And the famous GI and COBRA characters that we do see are not around long enough to hold much of my interest at this point and I was a fan of the first two GI JOE movies for precisely that reason - lots of JOES and my favorite, Cobra Commander. This one could be any old action adventure film with the little tying it to the GI JOE franchise that already exists.

Then there are the giant snakes. Three giant snakes that somehow are a quest to be overcome by NOT shitting one's pants while they judge you. Fuck that. Is this a subtle reference to Cobra? Then why are the snakes not COBRAS? Not even that bone could they throw me? This film is not as fun as it could have been - certainly not as fun as it was in my own mind after I saw the trailer. I expected more and got less.

Even the trailer seems a lot of 'been there and done that'. This one plays like every single revenge driven Ninja movie you have seen a hundred times before. The hero has three challenges to overcome which seems like just a way to fill up the movie with something for the hero to do like becoming a member of GI JOE wasn't enough. Such a wasted opportunity.