Sunday, June 30, 2019

Still One Hell Of A Motion Picture

"Your Majesty, Are you not the true and rightful successor to the throne of Marabia? And has not Allah, delivered this into my hands from the wonderous waters of the Fountain of Destiny itself, to rest upon your head."

I hear a lot of bad talk about Muslims these days. Well SINBAD was a Muslim and I will be damned if I will let you say one bad word against him. Trust in Allah. But tie up your camel!

Saturday, June 29, 2019

I Am With You Colonel Von Trapp

And I totally understand why you left Gretel's dead body in the mountains. She almost got the WHOLE FAMILY caught by the NAZIS. She is dead weight and she can't sing or work a single puppet. She can't keep a secret for her own sister who just wanted to kiss a hunky Nazi boy before she was an old maid. Everyone thinks this story started with Gretel but it started with the NAZIS and Gretel was their perfect stooge to advance Hitler's march into Austria, my spiritual homeland. You have no idea how much it meant to my mother to live in West Germany and take her children for holidays in Salzburg where the Sound of Music was set.
True Story.

No One Was A Master At Playing Low Rent Movie and TV Villains Like Billy Drago.

I will discuss my favorite Billy Drago roles in the near future. This guy made some many 80s and 90s movies better just because he was in them and he was never out of place or gave less than his very best effort. And that weird voice that was always so full of dread. I always thought he would have made a great TV Joker.

From The Caturday Files

There Must Always Be A Cave of Cool

All it needs is a wall sized computer screen shaped like a bat. Then its perfect. I dont really like nor need windows. Of course then I would need to take vitamin D because I would get no sunlight. But in the winter, or in a hot hot hot summer, this would be ideal. I would always rather be cold than hot. It's so much easier to throw on a sweater than trying hard not to sweat.

But then I read that it's in Arkansa and I immediately put a kibosh on the whole deal. I choose not to live next to the reckless Hillbilly at this time in human history. Stupid, religious, racists with guns are my least favorite human demographic.

Located in a remote area of Arkansas, Beckham Creek Cave Lodge was originally built as a bomb shelter, but has been renovated into a luxury hotel. It can accommodate up to 8 guests in a subterranean maze of stalagmites and stalactites, its own waterfall and even a helipad outside for those who need to arrive in a hurry.

“The water for the cave comes from the 1.5 mile interior of the cave and flows into a holding tank which goes through a purification system. What is not used and is overflow, travels under the floor of the lodge and comes out into another holding pool beside the front door, then overflows down the mountain (in the times of heavy rain – it’s a waterfall of sorts) to then be held in the large pond down in the pasture beside the heli-pad.  The water in the pond is a beautiful azure blue from all the rich minerals and it’s stocked with fish.”

Now, the owner of the $1200 dollar a day hotel is selling up, and whoever buys it can do whatever they like with it. Superheroes and Bond-villains will no doubt be looking on with interest, but if you are in need of a little seclusion, surrounded by nature and a whole network of caves to explore, you can start the bidding yourself at a cool $2.75 million.

Cal Rewrites Star Wars And Makes It Better With Giant Kitties

I look at this picture and all I can think about is how much GREATER the Star Wars movies could have been. Jabba the Hut - an overfed giant gangster house kitty? The mind boggles.
Now if you think of Tatooine as one big litter box and the Hutt's at giant house cats whose waste products are recovered, and refined into stable but deadly explosives, you understand the power they hold over that planet. Plus after the ate all the prey on their planet they had to find a way to survive so they turned their talents towards gangsterism which supported their hedonistic lifestyles. They were naturals in the munitions and smuggling trade. Again, the movies just rewrite themselves.