99 Things You May Not Want To Know About Me But Will Read Anyway Before NOT Commenting Which Is Why I Love All Of You - The Next 20

20. Is there a girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

Anyone that would let me be their champion. Unfortunately I am never ever anyone's first choice.

21. Name something you like about the day you’re having.

I had such a great long nap so I awoke with that fantastic disorientation that you can enjoy for the first two minutes or so. I liked it.

22. Is it cute when Girls kiss you on your forehead?

No, it's usually pity. But since the events are usually accompanied by some royal award like a crown or a necklace.

23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?

I WISH, because she is cute and funny and sweet and sexy and can go nuts when faced with an evil person or in the middle of an injustice. I want that girl in my jeep after the zomble Apocalypse begins. She is really my bestest wanna be girlfriend.

24. What are you sitting on right now?

And the corner of Polar Bear St. and Narwhal Avenues in downtown Red Deer.

25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?

I can never hear those three little words often enough.

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn't’t have?

Everyday. But after a time you can find that wanting a thing is much more pleasing than actually getting the thing (to paraphrase - AMOK TIME from the Original Star Trek)

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?

The cat.

28. Do you get a lot of colds?

Not since I left that germ factory that is your average public schools. If you want to develop a super immune system, spend some time in the environment of all the grubby monsters you will end up associating with.

29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?

I got it from your mother...and it wasn't even my birthday.

30. Does anyone hate you?

Your father after seeing that I had given his new shirt given to me by your mother. No, anyone who hates me doesn't talk to me anymore. She don't go out of their ways to take revenge on me for all my sins against them and the world. Either that or I have never pissed anyone off long enough for them to care enough to hate me.

31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden around the house.

I rarely take my drink to the house. I hate to drink alone. I prefer to go to a nice pub with good pizza and finger foods. Drinking needs to be down in the company of others after a hard days work. If I had friends that would be my most favorite reason to get out of the house.

32. Do you like watching scary movies?

I love suspense and I love be surprised. I, however, hate those torture porn movies like 'Saw' or 'Hostel'. I admire the elaborate kill machines of Jigsaw because of the sheer genius of them but I can stop the movie once the more squishy parts appear.

33. Do you want your tongue pierced?

If some young girl who likes when a guy has that done asked me too, I would do it, then abuse the privilege by making her feel good most every time she would let me.

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?

The year my father died. I would have like to re-do those times with all I know and understand about myself today. I could have enhanced his life more than I already had.

35. Did you have a dream last night?

Volcan eruptions destroying the yards and backyard fire-pits around me.

36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

I care about you all with my unlimited love.

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

No one will ever love me that much. Even my Russian mail-order bride had herself returned.

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

If they did I wish they would tell me so that I could return those feelings.

39. What do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

He takes awhile to get to know but WOW, what an interesting and loving guy. Maybe I should try being adored by him for awhile instead of getting put down or abused by my current boyfriend. I deserve a cool guy like Kal.

40. Did you have a good day yesterday?

I did, Danielle and I cooked the exact same meals for our families last night. I love when she shares her meals with her followers. I am dying to learn how to make roast tomatoes soup with a blt sammich.

April Fools Hokum

I totally hate April 1st - just an excuse for jar heads to humilate those younger and weaker than themselves. I do, however, like April Fools day media events like the following. Damn you Richard Branson, you could have made this happens and stock the crew cab full of people like Charlie Shee, Rick Santorum and all the Kardashians you can find.


After filmmaker James Cameron set a depth record for exploring the Marianna Trench and Jeff Bezos found the engines from Apollo 11, entrepreneur Richard Branson felt a need to do something even more spectacular. The head of Virgin galactic is preparing to launch a journey to the center of the earth! The new company Virgin Volcanic, an offshoot of Virgin Galactic, has developed a vehicle called the VVS1.

Using patented carbon-carbon materials pioneered for deep space exploration, Virgin is proud to announce a revolutionary new vehicle, VVS1, which will be capable of plunging three people into the molten lava core of an active volcano.

In its first three years of operation, VVS1 will target the five most active volcanoes in the world: Etna, Stromboli, Yasur, Ambrym and Tinakula.

Sir Richard Branson will go on the first expedition along with Black Eyed Peas recording artist and science enthusiast will.i.am and actor/producer Seth Green.

Virgin Volcanic hopes to launch the first expedition in 2015. This new technology may lead to a new method of transportation in which people will travel through the earth instead of around it.

A - Z Challenge - The Letter B - Batman - The Dark Knight

The first comic book I ever read was this Batman comic. He was always my favorite comic book character growing up. Short of being from another planet or getting bit by a radioactive spider, he was the only hero I could actually become if I actually got off my butt and put a weight bench in the cave.





I am glad to live in a time where many fantastic animated versions of the character have been created (Batman - The Animated Series, The Batman, Justice League, Justic League Unlimited and the FANTASTIC 'Brave and the Bold').























If you are interested in what I wrote for the letter B during last years challenge, then go here.

There Must Always Be A Cave Of Cool

I like this idea but I know that it will only be occupied by the very rich who can pay for the privilege with gold or the blood plasma drained from all their servants. I think I would rather die in a nuclear holocaust than be cooped up with a group of rich assholes for any length of time. It would be like living on a rocket ship to Mars for 18 months without being able to toss those who annoy me out the nearest air lock.


Vivos claims that they are “building a nationwide network of 20 underground shelters…” each shelter supposedly designed to accommodate 200 people. Some grandiose claims are made for the shelters: “The Vivos complexes will be deep underground, airtight, fully self-contained shelters designed to survive virtually any catastrophe, or threat scenario…”. According to a Vivos press release, the structures are being built at a shipyard in modules, and shipped to each site.

Nothing Is Happier Than The First Cows Of Spring

It's Really Only All About Me - More Questions You Never Wanted The Answers To - The First 20

1: Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?

Closed? Who in this world is THAT unsafe? If you leave the closet door open then that is how they GETCHA!

2: Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel?

I would take the TV if it wasn't bolted down.

3: Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?

The elaborate nature of my sleep calistetics would make your head explode. Let me just say that the sheets must first fly like a cape before gently floating to the bed. Then there is a whole tuck and fold maneuver that I will not explain.

4: Have you ever stolen a street sign before?

Yes, It said Calvin Avenue in a district where all the streets start with the same letter so I can be forgiven.

5: Do you like to use post-it notes?

Only for short term crisis.

6: Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?

I like the whole idea of coupon shoppers who save enormous amounts. I once saw a woman get boxes and boxes of Kit-Kat chocolate bars just by exploiting a coupon loophole. I have been impressed by that shopping technique ever since.

7: Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees?

The bees would never attack me because I am their summertime friend. Bears on the other hand are spiteful and uncoothed. Plus, when they answer your calls, they never write down the messages properly.

8: Do you have freckles?

Only in the sun

9: Do you always smile for pictures?

Showing my happiness only weakens my impressive visage.

10: What is your biggest pet peeve?

The lack of open check-outs at Walmart. If you are REALLY the most evile corporation in the world you don't have to prove it every damn time I visit.

11: Do you ever count your steps when you walk?

No, that is spooky.

12: Have you ever peed in the woods?

The question you really want to ask is 'Have you ever NOT peed in the woods."

13: What about pooped in the woods?

See above. There is nothing better than the poop you have while camping. Just ask any bear.

14: Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing?

Yes, but the doctors call it a spasm.

15: Do you chew your pens and pencils?

No but I 'flip my pen' which leave pen marks on the inside of my righting hand.

16: How many people have you slept with this week?

No one. I am not a person that others see in that way. I wish I was. I read a book once and it had pictures so I have SKILLS!!

17: What size is your bed?

Emperor size to accomodate all the pillow and all my broken dreams.

18: What is your Song of the week?

'Somebody Told Me - The Killers'

19: Is it okay for guys to wear pink?

Only at a clam bake and only before Labour Day

20: Do you still watch cartoons?

Of course. I mistrust anyone who does not.

Morning Captions

Steampunk Sundays

McDonald's Happy Meals Have Green Lantern Toys?

I need the ring and the glasses. My system is starting to feel low on pink slime anyways so a baby cheeseburger will make me feel better.

Sunday Sarcasm With Santo

Do you think he means me?

A-Z Challengs 2012 - A Is For Advertising

Long time readers of this blog understand my hate and mistrust of the cephalopod - your octopus, your squids, your cuttlefish, your assorted tentacled beasties that inhabit the cold and dark of our oceans. I welcome any opportunity to inform new readers of the true danger these boneless freaks pose to our civilization.



I leave you with 2 questions...

1. If you were an Alien spaceship, where would you hide on a planet that is 70% water?

2. What species could the aliens make a destructive alliance with - creatures who already are masters of the deep oceans?

The super villain plan they could cook up together would rival anything that Lex Luthor or The Joker ever contemplated.


I will give you a hint - it's a creature who can escape traps, set traps, solve puzzles, predict the future, squeeze through holes much smaller than they are, climb ropes, squirt ink, manipulate tools, operate heavy machinery and peek up woman's skirts. They are not ones to be underestimated.

They have an agenda that involves removing us from our rightful place at top of the planetary food pyramid. They are our most determined and ruthless enemies.


But we too have our way of fighting back. The 'Canadian Cave of Cool' forever stands at the front lines in this never ending battle against the Cephalopod Menance. Any innovations or consumer products that assist us in our efforts is always appreciated.