I Feel Abused

Oh sweet Jeebus...I have become a breakfast colored couch. They turned me into a two piece room accessory. Those dirty furniture making BASTARDS. And worse still, they put my fabric covered ass ON SALE. My self esteem is ruined. Now I need one of those emotional support animals. Like a baby puma. I bet that is covered up here by our Universal health care.

 

I just noticed that this is from the CINDY CRAWFORD collection! WTF. Bitch poached my name because it's not the kind of name that you just pull out of the air during the design process. I should get a cut of all profits from this line. In a fair world I mean.