My Message To Any Off World Slugs That Would Mess With Us

 

Despite all the antics of it's Hillbilly occupants, it's still my favorite planet for almost 50 years now. I would hate to see anything bad happen to some alien species who came here looking for trouble. Just hope you don't look like a giant chicken from space. If you do then we will Kentucky fry your ass so quick that you won't have time to hear the lid close on the bucket.

 

Also it would be unwise to trust us with any of your alien technology. We will just steal what you don't freely pass our way. We will use any advantage we can get AGAINST you and for the love of all that is holy, DO NOT leave your spaceships unlocked. We know how to push buttons and pull levers. You don't know the damage one of us apes can do with such dangerous tools in our hands.

It also will not help your cause if you are green or blue in color. We don't even like EACH OTHER when we are not the same shade. Imaging the grief we would give you for being the WRONG color AND for being from off-planet. You don't stand a chance. Your kids would never be able to be educated with ours. The playground would not be a fun place for your youngins, especially if they have antennae to go with their green hue. Our children can be very cruel to others who are different. It's a primitive defense mechanisms that we are not proud of. But there it is.

Now is there anything else you Aliens need to know?