Saturday, March 18, 2023

Shazam! Fury Of The Gods

I am not a half hour into this film and I hate it already. It's so childish and cloying and tries way too hard in every respect. From the villains chewing the scenery (but in a boring way) to the story that can't even be saved by the same boring CGI that we have come to expect from any kind of superhero films these days, Helen Mirren is embarrassing as one of three bad 'Daughters of Atlas'.

The story could have been written by chatbot and more than likely was. There is no challenge and nothing at stake. You know how things are going to end even before the final act action begins. I am just so BORED! And the movie is still more than two hours long.

The teen romance is even boring. Of course Freddy hides his superpowers from the girl he likes until he tells her and she betrays him and steals his power only to fall for him and regret her decision to be evil.. GAH! The Marvel 'family' bicker like brothers and sisters until the one in charge realizes the value of FAMILY. Double GAH!

Any computer effect, especially the flying effects look like they come from the 1970s and were performed with bad harnesses in front of a green screen. The only reason this sequel was made was because the original Shazam movie was a moderate hit. This sequel is the very definition of redundant. 

The teens that make up the Marvel Family are also not good enough actors to hold any attention on screen. It fact it was very grating to hear them interact with anyone else for the entire runtime.

Then Skittles save the day with the help of Unicorns. No shit. It really happened. And the family rode the Unicorns. Then Calvin needed to find a bucket to get sick in. I think I may actually hate this movie. Skittle Unicorns. I have finally lived long enough to see everything. 

Miss this one at all cost even with that Wonder Woman cameo at the end. Even that couldn't save this train wreck for me.


Debra She Who Seeks said...

Yes, I heard a review of it on CBC radio this week that said it was horrible. But your review clinches it!

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

It was a real waste of time.

Rob R said...

it looks painfully bad... thanks for "taking one for the team" and letting me know to skip it. maybe I'll check it out at some point when it makes it to HBO