Sunday, December 17, 2017

From The Archives Of The Cave Of Cool

The Cave Of Cool Has Human Enemies Also - Heino
OMG, this freak again. I swear he's been following me around all my life. A few months ago someone posted one of his albums and it seemed so familiar to me. I knew that I had seen this numnut somewhere before.

I went through our family record collection (that contains many sad, sad albums - we all bought them and mom was the least discriminating in her musical taste, especially when we lived in Germany from 1971 - 1976) and there is was! A Heino album. With that albino face starring at me from behind his Dr. Octopus/Roy Orbison glasses.

He's like a Nazi super soldier project that went bad. His only superpower was a high soprano singing voice and immortality (and of course the ability to make a polyester suit look fabulous).

Did you notice that he didn't put out just HITS. No, they were SUPERHITS. AAAAAAAAAA. If I didn't know the beach sun would melt him I would claim he was working with my eight legged enemy. In this case however, I believe they have separate agendas but similar end goals. Fuck you Heino.

I refuse to post any of his You Tube videos because I don't spread the devil's evil, I only fight against it.



Nathan said...

There was a German Club Nintendo comic where Mario finds out Heino is actually a Cthulhu-like alien who wants to turn all the people in Europe into food items.!

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

I can't believe that exists but I love it because it validates everything I have ever said about this freak.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

It's only fitting that the Cave of Cool has an Arch-Nemesis. He fits the bill!

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

If I ever saw him in person I would step back from the surprise alone. And to formulate a plan for killing him before he gets to me. There are stories... I hope they are just stories of this creature and the sheer joy he takes in the suffering of others.