Iconic Obama Continued

Love these etch-a-sketch drawings by artist George Vlosich. His ability to think spacially amazes me. Remember that these all start with a single continuous line at one end that can't be moved or lifted.

Making Sick In My Space Helmet

Now I am not one to rant but if I see ONE MORE TALKING ANIMAL MOVIE that doesn't involve talking cats ("I Can Has Cheeseburger - The LOL Cats Movie") I will be back on the water tower with a rifle. SPACE BUDDIES does nothing to advance civilization, NASA's reputation or my own sanity. Of course these lovable and puntable fleabags all look alike but wear separate necklaces so we can tell that they have something resembling different personalities. One is the sports dog, one the hip hop dog, one the girl dog, one the dirty dog and for fun lets add a budhist dog (for the eastern perspective), a russian dog (called Sputnik - how original) and a ferret - just like it would happen in real life. Nice to see that the ship itself is designed with controls that allow even a THUMBLESS astronaut (like maybe a dog or a ferret) who can't read to operate. There are your tax dollars really at work people. Now of course movies like this aren't made for childless and non-retarded persons like myself but can we at least TRY. Add to that an evile scientist guy whose small stature obviously is something else he overcompensates for. But Calvin, how does the ship have dog sized space suits readily available? Oh they have a machine that makes suits automatically - which of course the girl dog has to try out right away - because girls are all about the outfit. That shouldn't cause problems unless of course they leave the remote controlled space ship open...and ungaurded, and unchecked before launch. Ooops. All we need is one of the dogs to say "Lets take a quick look inside." with three minutes to launch. Well what do you know...SPACE DOGS. GRRRRRRRRR. OH NO..evile scientist guy sabotaged the mission. How will the dogs ever make it safely home? Could the melancholy dog on the Russian space station help them refuel? Will the crazy russian cosmonaut let them go? Will he wake up before the refueling causes the space station to go boom? Can a puppy land a ship on the moon? Will they crash and end my suffering? Will the stirring music they play as the dogs actually walk on the moon make me puke into my mouth? (for the record...IT DID) Will the ferret take over mission control so they can get home safely? Will evile scientist guy (with astrophysics degreee) kill the puppies only to be foiled at the last minute by an EIGHT YEAR OLD? Will the stupidest dog have to do a space walk to fix the broken antenae array after eating all the bean burritos on the space ship? Will the methane gas produced in said dog actually affect the plot in any way? Could the Chihuahuas on the mexican beach with their tiquila and their tiny sombraros look any more worried? Could the ticker tape parade be any lamer(4 peice band and only two cars)? Will the owner of the hip hop dog get shot for continually flashing gang signs? (If there is a GOD he will.) Will they stop calling each other 'dog' (which is only cool to call someone who is not ACTUALLY a dog)? Could I care even less? Not with original dialog like this:

"This is radical."
"Totally Awesome."
"This is off the chain insane dog."
"I say we make like a bread truck and haul buns."
"Did someone get the licence plate of that UFO?"
"One small step for dogs...one giant leap for dogkind."
"Losing five puppies on the moon is not good for P.R."

Prisoners of Memory

Ari Folman is an Israeli documentary filmmaker whose most recent film is the animated WALTZ WITH BASHIR and it tells the tale of the filmmakers attempt to recovery his memory of a time when he was a soldier in the Israeli army during its invasion of Lebanon. The strange recurring dream of a friend sends him on a journey into his own past which he has all but suppressed the memory of. Was he a part of a massacre that killed Palestinian refugees (in the Sabra and Shatila camps) or was he just a silent collaborator and passive observer of a horror akin to the killing of Jews in German concentration camps? Using voice overs from actual participants in the events of the time this is the kind of movie that could only be made with the freedom that animation allows and his style seems to only accentuate the horror of what he experienced. Memories are like movies that can selectively choose which scenes to present to the audience (the soldier) and which to leave on the cutting room floor. You are mesmerized by the images and the message which cannot be heard often enough - that war continues to exact a price on its participants long after the actual fighting has stopped. It shows the lengths that the mind will go to too protect the soul from knowledge too traumatic to face. I know if I was still teaching high school Social Studies especially the grade 12 curriculum that focuses on the wars of the 20th Century that I would include this movie. War is often studied as this huge event between nations but in truth its the quiet stories of ordinary men and women and those standing nearby in the conflicts that most accurately reflect the experience (including post traumatic stress and the survivor's guilt). They say that soldiers don't fight for nation or ideology but for the guy next to them and this movie like few before it champion that point of view. My father was a soldier who luckily served during the time of the cold war where there were no battles for him to fight. I have often thought if I could have been a soldier myself. They would have had to get me when I was very young because I know too much now, have seen too much and experienced too much of life to ever point a weapon at another human being when ordered to do so. No wonder they try to get the men to boot camp before they are 20. The best age to train a killer. One scene in particular got to me. There is a red car that has been driving around Beirut killing Israeli soldiers. The overkill that the Israelis employ just to destroy that car and its occupants illustrate the futility of armed struggle. No matter if you use a sniper or artillery or missiles from jets there will always be another red car the next day to threaten you till the reasons for fighting no longer exist or are settled by political means (which is essence only postpone the fighting for another day). How can anyone view such events and not conclude that war is madness.

What Kind of Monster Am I?

You Are an Alien

You're so strange, people occasionally wonder if you're from another world. You don't try to be different, but you see most things from a very unique, very offbeat perspective. Brilliant to the point of genius, you definitely have some advanced intelligence going on. No matter what circles you travel in, you always feel like a stranger. And it's a feeling you've learned to like.

Your greatest power: Your superhuman brain

Your greatest weakness: Your lack of empathy - you just don't get humans

You play well with: Zombies

So THAT is why I hate aliens and zombies and alien zombies. I don't want to share this planet with anyone else. I am so glad that other people don't taste like chicken or I suspect I would have a KFC in my basement. How can a stupid questionaire be so true and telling? Oh and my monster name is Ultima Professor. Take that bitches! (I love these internet tests)

Another Reason Why Canada is Way Cool

Because all you bitches just KNOW when you cross the border with the goal of making trouble - atomic or otherwise - that we will just mess you up. We take politeness, beavers and maple syrup only so far.

Another Cool Obama Image

This looks like its gonna be an eight year trend for me to display iconic Obama images and lets hope he gets to serve every day of those eight years. Most Presidents get 100 days of a honeymoon before the real critics come out of the woodwork but it seem that Fox News and conservative talk radio are already out to get Barack. All they are doing is showing their bias and hatred. If they truly loved their country they would see an atmosphere of co-operation as a positive way to pull the USA out of the mess George Bush has put them in. Idealogs who stick to their positions in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary are dangerous and primative. We can only hope to see them relagated to the 'dung heap of history' when, like cockroaches, they will be forced to run scurrying from the light. I pray for the day when the Anne Coulters of the world are shown to be the jokes that progressive thinkers know they are. Disagree with the man or his policies but don't automatically dismiss him because he doesn't drink your flavour of Kool-aid. Evolution is true, intelligent design is bunk. Have faith but temper it with science and rational analysis. Open your eyes to diversity and in that you shall find truth and TRUTH should be the personal goal of all.

Five Random Things About ME

Inspired by the blog NO SMOKING IN THE SKULL CAVE I will now confess five random things about me - things that make me the magical being I am....

1. I will not eat any dairy product that I have not personally opened.
2. I can tell when the phone is going to ring. Sometimes a second or more before it does but always in time to say "phone".
3. I can smell metals or all kinds even when they don't appear to give off any odor. Gold and Silver 'smell' different to me.
4. I once ate lobster with Prince Charles at the World Scout Jambouree in P.E.I. (1977) while pretending that I could speak German so that he wouldn't be embarassed.
5. Twice I have seen things in the night sky that I can't explain though I don't believe in UFOs.

Just When You Thought Barack Couldn't Get Any More Badass

I so do love the Japanese. Only their action figures could come with all these CORRECT accessories. Dare you to come out of your cave NOW Bin Laden.

The Victorious Mongoose

I do loves me my steampunk and for some reason these steampunk weapons are the best thing I can possible imagine about the genre. All I need is that riverboat gambler device that allows me to snap my atomizer out of my coat sleeve when accused of cheating at cards. They cost hundreds of dollars but worthy of investment one day when I collect enough bottles from my route.

"Augmenting security with discretion, the Victorious Mongoose has been purposely produced at just over half the size of the earlier wave weapons, while still packing the punch of its big-boned counterparts. Snugly nestled in an unbearably dashing leather-embossed and satin-lined case, the world's first concealable ray pistol is at last upon us in complete and flawless glory. Our much cherished pocket-size atomiser – the world's first concealable ray pistol and the fourth in Doctor Grordbrort's line of infallible aether oscillators – will become available for your fine and capable hands to clasp and fondle at will in July this year. With an edition size of a mere 400, this punchy little nipper will be flying off the shelves like a cash-eating flying fish attacking your wallet – and those of you who have had the privilege of such a rare encounter will know what curious jollies are to be had there. You know who you are."

Calvin's Conversations on Cool # 2

OMG - Its Squirrel Appreciation Day

WHAT THE HELL? Squirrel Appreciation Day? How about a squirrel eradication day? Just to show how powerful the squirrel lobby is in the United States they actually have declared this the day to go out and put some lovin on our fur bearing fire starting rodent brothers. Where is Barack with an executive order to end this madness? The maniacs at the Huffington Post suggest we spend this day doing the following:

1. Check local television listings for documentaries about squirrels. The National Geographic Channel and Animal Planet are likely to have a special presentation.

2. Look out your window. Squirrels are everywhere. What can you learn about squirrels just by watching them in your own backyard?

3. Read a book about squirrels and their natural habitat.

4. Research squirrels online. You'll find several sites dedicated just to our furry friends. Did you know, for instance, that there are 365 species of squirrels?

Are they insane? Why don't we all just tie matchbooks to nuts and sprinkle them generously around our neighborhoods? Why not just fill our jumpers with sunflower seeds and open up our pant legs? How about making a documentary about looking out our windows with high power rifle scopes and then introduce Mr Fluffy Tail to Mr. Full Metal Jacket? Or going out with a chainsaw and destroying the natural habitat of the 365 (kill one for each day of the year) varieties of these pests. That sounds like a much more productive use of our time. Because you know this is just the kind of holiday they would use to lull us into complacency while they plot and scheme against the human race. This is no time to fall for the radical squirrel agenda. Teach your children the truth before it too late! Oh and while I have no direct proof of this, if they bite you you will turn into a vampire.


However, in Minnesota it is illegal to trap, kill or molest squirrels in any way. It is also illegal to sleep naked, tease a skunk or cross state lines with a duck on your head. So take that for what its worth and molest away....but not naked with a duck on your head because then you are really in the poop.

Say Amen, Say Amen, And Amen

Of all the speeches made on this most historic of days none got to me as much as Rev. Lowry's disertation on color. If catholic priests had half of this man's charisma they wouldn't be bleeding members the way they have been. Lets all hold onto the magic of this day and support Brother Barack's mission to save the world. From seeing the coverage around the world I have more hope than ever although we all know that a little hope is a very dangerous thing.

Rev. Lowry - "We ask you to help us work for the day when black will not be asked to get back, when brown can stick around,when yella will be mella, when the red man can get ahead man and when white can embrace what is right. That all those who do justice and love mercy say AMEN...say AMEN...and AMEN!"

When is Evil Cool?

When he is a bad ass mutha like this guy. You can technically called him evil but he is a hero in my opinion. He cares enough to effect change in a world that needs his death to be reborn into something better. One man's terrorist will always be another man's freedom fighter. Killer style and a killer visual. His final dance of death is a mythic ballet (using only his knives and his 'fancy' karate). Alan Moore got no reason to hate this film adaptation of his graphic novel. The filmakers got it right.

McCready - "Why won't you die?"
V - "Because under this mask there is more than flesh. Under this mask is an idea...and IDEAS Mr McCready...are BULLETPROOF!"

Golden Compass Test - My Daemon

In a way, you are a truly balanced person. You have a good sense of self, but you have periods of worry and self doubt. You don't like to be alone a lot, but you don't like being constantly surrounded, either. You can be shy in some situations and bold in others. You can tell people how you feel, but you don't wear your heart on your sleeve. You aren't "TOO" anything: You aren't too shy, you aren't too aggressive, you aren't too extroverted, you aren't too introverted. However at any one time you can be any combination of these things.

You tend to adapt yourself to match the situations in which you find yourself. You may be quiet and sensitive with some people, or joking and loud with others. These are all facets of your personality. People tend to perceive you as they want to perceive you. They may even tend to idealize you a bit. Then, when you do something that doesn't fit their concept of who you are (like have an outburst of anger, or a fit of shyness, or make an insensitive joke)they can be shocked and surprised. Does anyone know the real you?

Your daemon would represent your multi-faceted and ever-changing personality, as well as people's tendency to idealize you. He or she would get angry when you did not, be calm and poised when you felt ruffled and anxious, and always be the voice of emotion and reason in your ear.

Suggested forms: Swan, Elephant, Koala, Panda, Chameleon, Wolf.

I am totally disappointed that my daemon cannot be a kitty of some kind. Well if I gotta choose one of these I gotta go with the WOLF cause damn that is a good looking animal and a SWAN is just a bit too effeminate for me. PANDAS are lazy bamboo eaters that really should have gone extinct a long time ago and knowing my luck as a CHAMELEON I would try to hide on a plaid background and drive myself crazy trying to blend in. Being an ELEPHANT as a DAEMON is just plain stupid. How am I gonna travel with my human in a car or in a kichen? Are those my footprints in the butter?

Personality Defect Test - The Hand Raiser

K this one I don't agree with. Why do they have to hate me. WHY WHY WHY...answer my question...please...somebody!

You are the Hand-Raiser, that annoying kid in class who always had an answer for everything. No doubt, as a child you probably sat in the front of the class, anxiously waving your hand back and forth in the air while your teacher desperately tried to avoid calling on you because you were the ONLY fucking kid that answered her questions. Clearly, the key traits of your personality are your rationality and your extroversion. You are like a little talkative calculator, in other words. You also tend to be rather gentle and less arrogant than most people. Your presence is a bane to everyone's existence, because you are too nice for your own good and you absolutely will not shut up. So what is your defect, then? Well, you're boring, and when you're not boring, you are just plain annoying with your ultra-logical responses and constant need to talk to others. So keep waving that hand in the air, son. I'm still not calling on you. You are too logical, you talk too much, and your humility and gentleness only makes me hate you more, because they make me feel like I almost SHOULDN'T hate you. But I do. Big time. And by the way, the more you wave your hand in class--your extended hand becoming nothing more than a blur as you insanely wave it, thinking we can't see it--the more smug satisfaction the teacher takes in watching the look of excrutiating pain cross your face as you agonize over not being called on, and the longer we'll wait to call on you, just because we absolutely love torturing you so.

To put it less negatively:

1. You are more RATIONAL than intuitive.

2. You are more EXTROVERTED than introverted.

3. You are more GENTLE than brutal.

4. You are more HUMBLE than arrogant.

Calvin's Conversations on Cool # 1

The Coolest Winter Product Ever

Now this product is the greatest thing I have ever seen for clearing winter snow and for toasting mummies and their dry ass wrappings. Remember that when they concider leaving Egypt to mess with me and mine. Its why I keep a cat also. You don't want to be surprised by a mummy even if they move with that shuffling slowness. Like zombies they just keep coming untill you tire. But doesn't this device look a little complicated for your wife or teen age son to just be casually playing with. Get a shovel and keep your family (and that neighbor's damn barking dog) from the burn unit. All this for less than 7 dollars.

Top Ten Movies # 5 - Golden Voyage of Sinbad

When I was a kid my father was posted to an army post in Lahr, West Germany and they had a great couple of theatres. On the weekend they would show several cartoons, a old movie serial, a B movie and then the main feature. We would be there for five hours at least and we were never let down. All the kids you knew would have the run of the place. At least every two months they would bring back the classic GOLDEN VOYAGE OF SINBAD - to me the best of the Ray Harryhausen special effects adventure films. The story is simple - Sinbad finds an intriguing map and sets sail for the previously uncharted island of Lemuria with a beautiful slave girl, Margianna, and the Grand Vizier of the land of Marabia. Prince Koura, an evil wizard who is trying to gain control of Marabia through his manipulation of malevolent spirits, follows in an effort to thwart Sinbad's quest. Awaiting them on the mysterious island is the Fountain of Destiny where "the gods smile on mortal men" and bestow youth, a cloak of darkness and best of all a crown of untold riches to whomever has the three peices to a golden amulet. Starring John Phillip Law as the famous Arabian hero and the most beautiful Caroline Munro as Marianna it was the exact kind of creature feature that still gives me smiles to this day. I know every line and I can only recite Star Wars like that. Even the villian - Prince Koura - played by Tom Baker is excellent. You almost hope for him to suceed and there were time when we actually thought he would no matter that we had seen the movie many time before. But lets not forget the creatures Harryhaussen created. From the eight armed goddess of Kali to the Griffin and Cyclops there is much eye candy to behold. Munro was the first actress I ever had a crush on and she is still THE model of beauty for this sad white boy. Even the side character are memorable. The Grand Vizier with his gold facemask is regal and impressive as is the drunk rich man's son Harroun who makes his journey from slacker to full fledge crewman. He also provides much of the movie's comedy relief. What amazed me the most was to learn that the entire film was completed for $982,351, a remarkably small sum even for a film in the early 1970s especially one with such elaborate stop-motion effects.

Sinbad: "Trust in Allah, but tie up your camel!"





Love this concept art.

Just Funny

If even ONE stupid kid pays ME to shovel MY walk its worth it.

Cool Quote About Love

I love this quote because it perfectly captures my feelings about romance and werewolves.

"Love can be genuinely awful. Worse than the norovirus on a coach trip. When it goes wrong - and it usually does - it kicks a hole in your ribcage and voids its bowels in your soul. Get burned badly and from that point on, falling in love is like inviting a werewolf into your home: you sit there fascinated, watching it eat at the table and admiring your curtains. You make conversation and share private jokes. But try as you might, you're not quite relaxed and you're not quite yourself; you're on tenterhooks, aware that any moment now it's going to turn round and bite your throat out."

-Charlie Booker of the Gaurdian (By way of blond-cleau of Bee Waits For No One)

Infinity Gauntlet

To complete my comic book museum which has to include Thor's Hammer and Captain America's Shield I have to make room for the INFINITY GAUNTLET. Possessing the six soul gems and worn by the arch villian Thanos, it gave him ultimate control over the universe. Of course he messed up his grand schemes with hubris and ego like they all do. Now if I had this thing it would be double cheeseburgers and Ukrainian farm girls for the rest of my life.




"The Infinity Gauntlet is a fictional artifact that appears in comic books published by Marvel Comics. The Gauntlet is a glove mounted with the six Infinity Gems. Each Infinity Gem grants its bearer complete mastery over one aspect of the Universe, being Time; Space; Mind; Soul; Reality and Power. A seventh gem, Ego, is revealed later to exist. A wielder of all six Infinity Gems has, in theory, virtual omnipotence and can manipulate the universe on whim. Only the cosmic entity Living Tribunal has been implied to be beyond the power of the Gems, as it managed to prevent them from being used in conjunction." - Wikipedia

Caveman I-Pod

This ancient Walkman from 1957 is awesome. Of course you don't want to do yard chores when the storm clouds form because you know this alien headgear is just waiting to attract some serious lightning. One step before wrapping your head in tin foil so that you can get FM on your metal fillings. Looks like you can also cook two slices of toast while clipping your hedges and get a scalp massage.


-from Science And Mechanics

"The Game is the Game" - The Wire

I have been thinking alot about the HBO show THE WIRE which ended its five year run this year. Weird for me to do but I watched season five before watching any season before that and I will argue that it was the right thing to do. Knowing the final fate of Omar and McNaulty and Bubbles somehow makes their journey all the more satifying for me now that I am watching episodes from the beginning. But I also feel that THE WIRE has spoiled me for anything else on TV. Was it the fact that it has swearing and graphic depictions of street violence and drug use or is it something else? I still love my LAW and ORDERS and NCIS and the MENTALIST and of course my cartoons and reality shows but network tv just seems like spoon fed pablum after the realism (and sheer acting and writing beauty) of THE WIRE. Any ten minutes of THE WIRE has more layers and depth and meaning that a whole hour of most serialized dramas. Oh that HEROES could aspire to that. We see the world of Baltimore crime and punishment where the line is blury and everyone is on the game (even the schools, the politicians and the media). What is right is never clear and what is wrong can often be a noble choice where survival is knowing who to trust. You come to love the characters (good and bad) and there are enough gut tightning moments to show what truly breakthrough television could and should be. When did you feel as exilerated as you did seeing Omar and Bow Tie team up? Or Soldier's attempt to start his boxing gym? We all know that there is no way that LOST or FRINGE will ever pay off as satifying as the last episode of THE WIRE did. Spoiled like the Bush twins thats what I am. And what is out there to replace it in two weeks when I run out of THE WIRE episodes? Nothing I can see coming down the pipe especially when Fox is developing a show called BITCHES which they claim is like SEX AND THE CITY with WEREWOLVES! ARGHHHH. Only ten more episodes of BATTLESTAR GALACTICA to go. Saw the first one tonight and it shows promise even though the arrival at Earth turned into one big bust. Once that is gone the itch will start again...and I got nothing to scratch. Time to start writing my own stuff but who would ever read it? I would never have introduced a duck to the dock workers bar who drank himself to death. Even the water fowl in Baltimore are tragic figures. Anyway you call it that is GOOD writing.

"No one has captured the essence of what it is to be trapped by time, race, circumstance, class, or employ with the dignity and grace with which David Simon and his host of talented scribes did on a weekly basis with this show. Truly spectacular. This was a show that refused to be what anyone expected. Just when you though it couldn't get better the next episode would air and you would remember all over again why you loved it. The grand scale of such intimate moments allowed us to care about characters because they became people. There have been great shows before this and there will be great shows after this but The Wire stands, with it's protagonists, with its feet firmly on the ground staring its fans and its detractors right in the eyes. This was a call to arms for those out there who knew that TV didn't have to be Two and A Half Men." - TV.com

Evolution of the Rocket Pack

I am DONE evolving so give me my rocket pack already, bitches.

Balls As Big As Churchbells

I may think I am cool and all badass (well not really but I needed to write something for the press release) but this guy - Captain C.B. Sully Sullenberger is the real shit, bitches. Most emergency landings especially of jetliners don't go so well and most fail in a spectacular way. A US Airways jetliner with 150 passengers and 5 crew members plunged into the icy Hudson River on Thursday afternoon less than five minutes after taking off from LaGuardia Airport. With very little time to weigh their options, Capt. C.B. Sully Sullenberger and crew performed heroic actions to bring all 150 people to safety by making a water landing! C.B. deserves all the accolades he is getting and will continue to get. If I was him I would never get in the cockpit again because you know how the gods love to mess with any kind of good karma anyone generates. Any landing you can walk away from is a good one. Oh and I learned today (February 7th) that this pilot has so much integrity that he called the library he borrowed a book from to tell them that it will be late cause its in the hold of the plane that crashed into the Hudson River! You would think they would give him a pass on that fine don't you? Wow!

Obamicon Me Baby

How cool is this! I can see myself having lots of fun with this application which can be found here...(http://obamiconme.pastemagazine.com/) I really hope this never gets old and from the look of the gallery I doubt it will.

Soviet Atomic Lighthouses

From Dinosaurs and Robots comes a story about nuclear powered autonomous lighthouses which existed (and maybe still do exist) during the cold war. I imagined a couple of great Tom Clancyish adventure tales or even a post apocalyptic monster story where a group of adventurers try to aquire this kind of technology for good or ill. The movie poster just draws itself.

"Soviet Union decided to build a chain of lighthouses to guide ships finding their way in the dark polar night across uninhabited shores of the Soviet Russian Empire. So it has been done and a series of such lighthouses has been erected. They had to be fully autonomous, because they were situated hundreds and hundreds miles aways from any populated areas. After reviewing different ideas on how to make them work for a years without service and any external power supply, Soviet engineers decided to implement atomic energy to power up those structures. So, special lightweight small atomic reactors were produced in limited series to be delivered to the Polar Circle lands and to be installed on the lighthouses. Those small reactors could work in the independent mode for years and didn’t require any human interference, so it was very handy in the situation like this. It was a kind of robot-lighthouse which counted itself the time of the year and the length of the daylight, turned on its lights when it was needed and sent radio signals to near by ships to warn them on their journey. It all looks like ran out the sci-fi book pages, but so they were."

If They Be Worthy...FOR ASGARD!!!!!

In honor of the newly released Hulk vs Thor this is the hammer that slew Frost Giants. The hammer that saved Midgard on multiple occasions and only those worthy enough can wield it. It is Mjolnir - the hammer of THOR. Only Captain America, Beta Ray Bill, Wonder Woman and Thor have been able to lift it. Forged by the Elves of Uru metal it is the most powerful weapon of Asgard. Aside from Captain America's shield I totally want this for my collection.

Mjolnir's enchantments

No living being can lift the hammer from the ground unless he or she is deemed worthy by Odin. The hammer, however can be lifted by machines such as robots.

The hammer returns to the exact spot from which it is thrown after striking its target. The hammer will also return to Thor's hand when summoned.

Its wielder may summon the elements of storm (lightning, wind, and rain) by stamping its handle twice on the ground. It can also be used to manipulate the weather on an almost global scale, as Thor once did at Spider-Man's request to spread a chemical agent around the world to counteract another set of chemicals released by Doctor Octopus that risked destroying the ozone layer.

Mjolnir is able to open interdimensional portals, allowing its wielder to travel to other dimensions, such as from Earth to Asgard. The hammer can also be used to create portals to travel great distances within the same dimension.

The hammer enables Thor to transform into the guise of a mortal, physician Donald Blake, by stamping the hammer's head to the ground once. When Thor transforms into Blake, his hammer takes the appearance of a wooden walking stick. When disguised, the hammer's enchantments limiting those who may lift it are not in effect. A previous provision of this enchantment used to require that the hammer could not be out of physical contact of Thor for more than one minute without his spontaneous reversion to his mortal self - this stipulation has since been removed. This enchantment is later transferred to Stormbreaker, the hammer of Beta Ray Bill. When Thor adopted the mortal persona of Jake Olson the stick was removed and Thor simply pounded his fist into the ground to effect a change.

Previously, Mjolnir could be swung in such a way as to generate chronal displacement inertia enabling its wielder to travel through time. This property, separate from the hammer's dimension-spanning ability, was removed by the entity Immortus with Thor's consent. Thor, however, has since been shown to be able to stop time with Mjolnir.