He Strikes A Fearsome Visage But He Is A Retard

Don't follow this man. Don't listen to anything he says. Don't give him matches or pocket change.

Michael May did a great post recently about things he is proud to be geek about and those that really never catch his attention or imagination. I will be following that theme this weekend.

I was never one who enjoyed the original G.I. JOE cartoon. I was so primed by my life to love this concept but I hated it. I hated the characters because they only ever came in the 3 3/4 inch size. For a person raised of figures no smaller than eight inches, it was hard to adapt. This size issue is the reason I have NONE of the original Star Wars figures even though you won't find a bigger fan of the original movie.

What I hated MOST about G.I. JOE, however, was THIS numnut. He had some kick ass, big time, earth shaking super villain IDEAS but he could never quite close the deal.

ASSUME THAT G.I. JOE WILL SHOW UP AND FIGURE THAT INTO YOUR PLANS. He always acts shocked...SHOCKED when they mess up his carefully laid scheme in 22 minutes.

Doesn't anyone ever call him on his bullshit - remind him how he failed just last week costing billions in manpower and resources? What is the point of being the guy in charge when you always make bad decisions for the corporation?  Who funds C.O.B.R.A.? I suspect they recycle their cans and bottles because they would never make their investors money with their shaky business model. Those Viper Jets don't wash themselves. You need streams of revenue.

Why not put a bullet in his head and let the next guy in line take his shot? He's a liability in a company where EVERYONE IS ARMED! You would think some young 'go getter' would step up and take the initiative.

Oh and here's a money saving idea. Maybe put your headquarters in a major city and not in a jungle or on a volcanic island. If you put civilians at risk then maybe the Joes wouldn't blow up everything you own on their way back to base. It's all about minimizing risk and maximizing damage when you are in the terrorist business.

Then...THEN when he FINALLY takes a minor advantage when Dr. Mindbender invents SERPENTOR, he screws the pooch by being petty and jealous and not seeing the big picture. Where does this failure get his unbelievable confidence from?

All I ask, C.O.B.R.A. Commander, is that you TRY.