Sunday, May 7, 2017

Like The Facebook Robot, The Digital Pixies At MSN Can Read My Mind And I Have PROOF

Every damn morning I read My feed. I know I know. It's like digital Pravda that shows me the stuff my digital masters want me to know. But this morning they freaked me out. The butter on my raisin toast tasted a bit funny so I thought to MYSELF how long butter should be left out of the fridge because I hate hard butter because it rips up the toast. And yes the butter is covered at all times. And I like a nice heavy Winnipeg rye bread to toast. It's just holds a fried egg so much better if you decide you want to turn that toast into a quick breakfast sammich. As you can see I take my toast very seriously. But not ten seconds after I thought that thought about the longevity of unrefrigerated butter, this story popped up on the rolling dashboard. They got to me through my toaster and love of toast. Or was their spy the POP TART. Damn you digital overlords. Even to THE MAN toast isn't sacred.
Americans refrigerate a lot of things that other countries don't, like eggs and butter. Eggs you may have encountered before in your travels-in most European countries, eggs aren't refrigerated. But butter? Most Americans keep their butter in the refrigerator. Heck, there's even a compartment in many refrigerators explicitly for that purpose. If you're like me, you might even get nervous if the butter gets left out on the counter. It's dairy, right? Shouldn't that be chilled to keep out all the bacterial grossness? But it turns out that keeping butter in the fridge is a matter of preference, not of food safety. 
I live in scary times. What do you think the chances are that NASA is doing research on me because they want me and a space cat to go out in our ship to save the Earth on some mission of true cosmic importance? If they turn me into their mindless slaves I expect you to kill me. Trust me. I would do the same for either one of you.



Debra She Who Seeks said...

Time to start wearing your tinfoil hat again, Cal.

And mmm, Winnipeg rye bread. NOTHING is better for a sky-high corned beef sammich with hot mustard either.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

You see...if you toast it they WILL KNOW.

j-swin said...

We only refrigerated the three sticks we aren't using yet. You mean to tell me Canadians buy a pound (I don't know how many grams that is) of butter and let all four sticks sit out? Madness.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

No no no...We buy the regular block and cut it up as we need it. DUH.

j-swin said...

Oh my god, that is so inconvenient, god created four sticks to save time just like portioning out sugar in little packets, read the bible.