Saturday, December 22, 2018

Edenmore, Dublin in 1972

Calvin just wrote a great Christmas movie in three minutes. Call me Hallmark Channel. I have seen snippets of the Christmas DRIVEL you show every holiday season. Every film is the same kind of balloon juice.
Every girl is young and pretty and semi-famous who plays a lawyer who can't find a man but she goes home for Christmas who then meets a semi-famous handsome actor who runs the Mill in her home town that is in danger of being closed, putting everyone out of Christmas. You see where I am going here. These movies are like Mad Libs. Fill in any scenario that involved a girl, a boy, and Christmas and make it a chaste love story. They infuriate me. I can tell what is going to happen before it does.
Once a train was trapped in the snow and they got rescued by a boy and a girl and a sleigh pulled by FREAKING REINDEER because the train just happened to get stuck near a REINDEER farm. These are the films they will show me in Hell. But as much as I hate them I could write them so take advantage of my ridicule and let ME help YOU. Just pay me some of that F-You money and we can talk turkey.
Now I started to think that maybe I could share some of the covers of the DVDs that Hallmark sells. THIS IS HOW MANY I FOUND. They just never stopped appearing as I scrolled across the top of the page. It's MADNESS.



Debra She Who Seeks said...

My sister calls these movies Christmas Diarrhea.

j-swin said...

I think it’s funny how they make the characters success, professional women and put them in a setting that makes them feel unfulfilled because they don’t have a tall, dark and ripped man to spend the country holidays with at their mothers’ behest. And what’s even funnier is that the real life successful, professional women slurp this shit up with a spoon. I say they should be happy with themselves and get a few side action city boys to *ahem* “fill the void”....if you know what I’m saying?

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

It's so stupid. I could solve her problems in five minutes if I was a hunky fireman.

j-swin said...

Or a charming bartender