Friday, July 3, 2020

A Pre-Caturday Story From The FIRST Cave of Cool

When I taught computers many moons ago I had the kids work with photoshop to create a series of doctored photos that had to tell some kind of story. They also had to include themselves in the pictures in some way. This was the one I created as an example. Some are taken from the net and some I created myself. But they didn't have to know that did they? And YES I was obsessed with giant kitties back then.

No one is really sure exactly when it was that the Giant Kitties came on the scene. It was like they were everywhere all of a sudden. We all knew then that our lives would never be the same. Here we see a rare archival photograph from the 1950s which shows one of the first recorded sightings of the Giant Kitties. Unfortunately the unknown reporter in this photograph went missing along with the cameraman who took this shot. All that was found was the map, a fedora and the camera this photograph came from.

Of course it was only a matter of time before the Kitties moved into the cities looking for more and more vehicles to play with. By climbing such buildings as the Empire State Building they mocked us openly. Their curiosity and playfulness left a path of destruction throughout most of North America.

Even though we had always heard of their dislike for water, a few swimming kitties was all it took to destroy the island of Japan despite the brave efforts of the Japanese people to battle the Giant Kitties. But it was all for naught. The kitties acted with a vengeance unheard of. This one that they called Catzilla was particularly spiteful.

Within less than a decade the giant animals had devastated most of the earth. Chief among the offenders where the before mentioned Giant Kitties, Dogs and Mice but also the Giant Squids off the coast of Iceland, the Man-eating Giant Rainbow Butt Monkey of Borneo, the Carnivorous Giant Spotted Root Mole of Siberia and the Giant Fire Ants of Africa. So expeditions were sent into space to find new planets for humans to colonize, planets unpopulated by anything bigger than it was meant to be. But the Kitties followed us, with a mad zeal, determined to wipe humanity not only from the face of planet Earth but from the Universe as well!!!.

It was then that one of our brilliant scientists came up with the idea to "travel back in time" to defeat the evil plans of the Giant Kitties and save some part of humanity. We chose the late Jurassic period but we were unaware that the Giant Kitties also possessed time travel technology. With their misbegotten offspring they continued to plague us and our efforts to rebuild our civilization.

However many of us decided to not return to the distant past but instead time travelled to the future - perhaps out of the deadly grasp of the Giant Kitties. But unbeknownst to us the kitties had only mutated, developing powerful lazer death beams that they shot from their eyes. The years had only made them more bitter, more hostile. But we fought them anyways. Crawling from the safely of our caves we launched the first successful offensive against the Giant Kitties. Despite high casualties we were able to destroy a kitty litter processing plant they had outside of Poughkeepsie, N.Y.

Just when the advantage was clearly ours, they unleashed their biggest surprise yet on us. The damned kitties had made the perfect alliance. They traded all their buried poopies to the Giant Dung Beetles for the help is destroying my unit! We lost 147 men that day. Most looked like overcooked barbecue or scratching posts once the Kitties had gotten finished with them. The alliance between the Beetles and the Kitties was devastating to our cause. Everything seemed hopeless until...


Debra She Who Seeks said...

It's hard to believe those photos aren't real.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

It's that high tech computing devices we had access to back then. It was a freakin nightmare to make anything half way decent.