Tuesday, July 20, 2021

Fast and The Furious 9

With a film so full of car chases and car crashes you would think it would be a little less boring. After about twenty minutes of loud noises and the glower of Vin Diesel which is working my last nerve I was ready to give up on this one. He has one expression and he seems to really believe he is the CHACTER he is playing in real life.

But now I can't stop watching. The shear lunacy of it all is just what I need to watch right now.

It was nice to see Charlize Theron back as the bad ass villain that helps John Cena take out his brother Dom. Cena is the anti-Dominic. It took NINE films to introduce a BROTHER to Dom who you would think would have come up in at least one conversation about FAMILY. But even though they have history, Cena and Dom and their hatred for each other at least makes this one a more even battle.

Dom (Vin Diesel) comes complete with a secret lair, lots of fast cars and his constant reminder that all those who work with him are FAMILY and that seems to be his secret power which means he will never lose, never be hurt and win the day and it's that familiarity with the plot of a Fast and Furious movie that takes some of the trill from the film. The characters called themselves invincible and I believed it while watching the movie.

Of course the plot of the movie is fast cars and huge over the top missions which tend to blend them all together in my memory. You have seen it all before and before and before. Go into the theatre knowing exactly what you are in for.

That being said this film will be a huge success but shouldn't because it plays down our expectations by never bringing anything newer than more noise and more fury signifying NOTHING.

In order to believe in what this movie it trying to sell you, you have to believe that people who can't drive can drive better than a NASCAR driver. Three girls can beat the hell out of a dozen trained assassins and anyone can jump from truck to truck and crash through plate glass windows, lots of plate glass windows and walk away without a scratch.

Between these gunfights there is some talking but none of it means anything because at the end Vin Diesel and his 'Family' will save the day because the bad guys make the mistake of always keeping out heroes alive in order to accomplish that mission. These are the same heroes who can get whatever they need whenever they need it in what ever country they need to create chaos in. And they can have it at a moment's notice.

Now, having said all that I enjoy this kind of over the top movie making balloon juice. I soak it up like biscuits and gravy. It's goofy and is never rooted in anything resembling reality. So much so that the death of a major character only adds to the stupidity. This is the best kind of blockbuster summer movie garbage you can get and more of these movies are on your horizon.

Did I mention a car rockets into space? Tell me you just have to see THAT!


Rob R said...

I’ve somehow managed to miss every one of these movies.. and I do not regret that!

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

You didn't miss anything, they are all the same film mashed together in my mind. It's my pop culture duty to watch one every two years or so.