I Want It To Be True...

For the second time in recent months, a giant sea creature has washed ashore in California.  First it was a rare oarfish that had grown to a freakish 100-foot length.  This time it was a giant squid measuring a whopping 160 feet from head to tentacle tip.

These giants look different but experts believe they share one important commonality: they both come from the waters near the Fukushima Dai-ichi Nuclear Power Plant in the Futaba District of Japan.

I am sorry, you made a sweet piece of photoshopp but I have to call bullshit on your giant radioactive spawn of the ocean balloon juice. I would be nice to see more of these mutant bastards (with their equally mutated and radioactive super brains) wash up on more shores so that I could finally get the funding I need to make my own giant octopus fighting submarine  (patent pending).

The threat the cephalopod poses to us is real, just not this real. If they were radioactive wouldn't the guy guarding the carcas being wearing a Hazmat suit? Would they let people just show up to take pictures? Maybe they would put such an important scientific find under a TARP and away from the hot sun of the beach...which is becoming more funkified with each day this carcass decomposes on shore.

Unfortunately, this cadre of mutant giants seems to be drifting towards the continental U.S.  Local officials in Santa Monica, CA – where the creature drifted ashore – tried to calm residents.  “This creature appears to be deceased and even if alive only thrives in water,” said Santa Monica Parks Manager Cynthia Beard.

Local radioactive gigantism expert Santa Marino College biology professor Martin L. Grimm, PhD said that the nuclear disaster may have had some unintended benefits.  “These creatures give us the chance to study radioactive gigantism,” he said.  Grimm believes that harnessing radioactive gigantism may be like harnessing the atom to create atomic energy.  “Imagine a tuna fish that could feed a city the size of Austin, Texas,” he said.  “This is the possibility of radioactive gigantism.”

I have seen that gigantism expert before. His name was DR CYCLOPS!! What kind of scientist studies the effects of radiation on the growth of animals unless he is watching too many Godzilla movies? Excessive nuclear radiation does not make things grow big. It kills most all life but the most simplest forms and kills them horribly.

And what if everyone is Austin doesn't want Tuna on that particular day? Then what? What do we do with all that left over Tuna? Well we could feed it to Godzilla here.

If any residents spot an unusually sized sea creature, they should call the U.S. Coast Guard hotline at 1-800-BIG-FISH (or 1-800-244-3474).

http://www.lightlybraisedturnip.com/giant-squid-in-california/?fb_action_ids=710722805629078&fb_action_types=og.likes&fb_source=other_multiline&action_object_map=%5B687728807913194%5D&action_type_map=%5B%22og.likes%22%5D&action_ref_map

In reality the Blue Ringed Octopus, a little bugger found in Australia is the most deadly. He doesn't need to be supersized to get your attention.