Calvin's Canadian Cave of Coolness: October 2014

Friday, October 31, 2014

Kevin Vickers Changes Stephen Colbert's Mind About Canada

"Look at that magnificent bastard. Stoic! Humble!" Colbert exclaims.

"Folks, I have not been this moved by something Canadian since the return of Degrassi."

"And I cannot believe I'm saying this, but I was wrong about Canada."

Tom Cruise Is Dating Linsay 'Road Trash' Lohan?

Who thought he had massively poor judgment?

One More Set Because I Love

A Nearly 40,000 Year Old Baby Mammoth Goes On Display In Moscow

THIS is where all your EBOLA is coming from. This just doesn't look safe. How many UNPROTECTED people are there watching this half thawed piece of prehistoric mammal meat get pulled off the truck. Oh Russia. I am glad that we have you to follow all internationally recognized health and safety protocols for the handling and storage of such virus rich samples.

I like the guy close enough to touch this thing with his bare hands. How do you think he felt at work the next day. How alarming was his strange cough?

The mammoth was found in 2010 in the Russian region of Yakutia. Thus, scientists called the carcass Yuka. The mammoth was between six and nine years old when it died.

Yuka's preserved body shows signs that humans hunted for mammoths during the Ice Age, according to researcher Albert Protopopov.

Weighing five tonnes and at a height of three metres, scientists say that Yuka has become the best preserved mammoth in palaeontology.

http://thedailywhat.cheezburger.com/page/2?ref=pagination

When Will Season 2 Of 'Black Sails' Begin?

One of the great shows I watched this year.

Fantastic pirate story.

(click to enlarge)

I Got Bitch Slapped For Being A Ridiculous Person

I actually offended someone by making a joke about Ebola quarantine and having snack foods brought to you in isolation (along with WIFI) and thought it would be a sweet deal for a couple of weeks. Unless of course you had Ebola which is not funny at all....or not yet. Either way I actually offended someone and that offends me. I say nothing that anyone can take remotely seriously. I am as underwritten a punch line as my cat captions. I am bothered that this person felt the need to slap me down just to make a point about the poor imprisoned inconvenienced maybe Ebola infected nurse being a hero and that we shouldn't make dumb jokes. Such talk is over the line according to this person. If we even say the word EBOLA out loud then Ebola AND the terrorists win. I disagree. I think this is the time for MORE Ebola jokes. And I got a few about 911 and the Gettysburg Address while I am at it. Oh and a zinger about Regan and Star Wars. Stick around, you are going to love it.

It'll Be A Biblical Spectacular

I can't see a Moses picture without thinking of this classic Billy Crystal routine.

Halloween Costume Issue Solved And Other Dark Thoughts

Gah! I can't imagine how annoying it would be to be dressed up in school today. Some people liked it but as a teacher I hated it. All the joy had been sucked out of the madness going on around me. So much policing of dangerous weapons/costume accessories and having to send half the girls home to change just because their costumes could get them work on the stripper pole.

Masks that cover the culprit's face also encourage shenanigans on this day. I can still tell who the skinny pot head with the ripped jeans is, despite him wearing a gorilla mast and his usual blue hoodie.

Then there's all the candy and how the little ones seem to be a bit like herding cats when they start to mainline all that sugar. They, however are the most fun to see all dressed up and paraded through the school to get candy from the bigger kids. Every kid at least TRIES in Elementary and there are many, many cool costumes out there to be purchased for not a lot of money. Everything about October is geared towards this ONE day. I know the teachers are very happy that this is the end of the week and they can relax with a little class party. WRONG. It's usually ten times the work to make sure that EVERY kid gets the same portion of homemade baked goods and candy. Attempting the process without parental help is a suicidal rookie mistake.

This year Halloween is on a FRIDAY so all the hillbillies and people who shouldn't drink too much but do, all collect where people tend to gather and collect and drink too much. Even the pre-teens will be staying out later than normal since it's not a school night. Add a full moon and the fear of Ebola and we got us the making of an 'end of the world' type Halloween event.

I do appreciate seeing a nice sexy Disney Princess costume but it's a chore to do Halloween just for the scent of brothel perfume. Didn't it seem more fun when WE were kids or am I just becoming that old guy I hate with an opinion on everything? This is usually the same person that is an unreasonable dickhead about most issues.

Then on top of everything else, I am expected to give away MY candy? What is this? The UN? Keep your mitts off my mini Kit-Kat bars ya damn consumers. You have been selling me the candy snack packs since July - all to prime me for the Christmas food season - and now you cut me off cold turkey after the first of November? Maybe try to wean me off your crack before you get me hooked on other holiday delicacies.

Now, just for fun, let's look back at a classic South Park episode and remember that all problems can be solved by just making a newer and more offensive costume.