Friday, October 31, 2014

Halloween Costume Issue Solved And Other Dark Thoughts

Gah! I can't imagine how annoying it would be to be dressed up in school today. Some people liked it but as a teacher I hated it. All the joy had been sucked out of the madness going on around me. So much policing of dangerous weapons/costume accessories and having to send half the girls home to change just because their costumes could get them work on the stripper pole.

Masks that cover the culprit's face also encourage shenanigans on this day. I can still tell who the skinny pot head with the ripped jeans is, despite him wearing a gorilla mast and his usual blue hoodie.

Then there's all the candy and how the little ones seem to be a bit like herding cats when they start to mainline all that sugar. They, however are the most fun to see all dressed up and paraded through the school to get candy from the bigger kids. Every kid at least TRIES in Elementary and there are many, many cool costumes out there to be purchased for not a lot of money. Everything about October is geared towards this ONE day. I know the teachers are very happy that this is the end of the week and they can relax with a little class party. WRONG. It's usually ten times the work to make sure that EVERY kid gets the same portion of homemade baked goods and candy. Attempting the process without parental help is a suicidal rookie mistake.

This year Halloween is on a FRIDAY so all the hillbillies and people who shouldn't drink too much but do, all collect where people tend to gather and collect and drink too much. Even the pre-teens will be staying out later than normal since it's not a school night. Add a full moon and the fear of Ebola and we got us the making of an 'end of the world' type Halloween event.

I do appreciate seeing a nice sexy Disney Princess costume but it's a chore to do Halloween just for the scent of brothel perfume. Didn't it seem more fun when WE were kids or am I just becoming that old guy I hate with an opinion on everything? This is usually the same person that is an unreasonable dickhead about most issues.

Then on top of everything else, I am expected to give away MY candy? What is this? The UN? Keep your mitts off my mini Kit-Kat bars ya damn consumers. You have been selling me the candy snack packs since July - all to prime me for the Christmas food season - and now you cut me off cold turkey after the first of November? Maybe try to wean me off your crack before you get me hooked on other holiday delicacies.

Now, just for fun, let's look back at a classic South Park episode and remember that all problems can be solved by just making a newer and more offensive costume.


Octopunk said...

Yes! Halloween is a high-maintenance holiday and it can be a royal pain in the ass. But it's also the BEST holiday and I think it sucks that we only costume up once a year. Here's what I think:

1. I think it's great that you're out in the world dealing with this nonsense instead of the alternative (this based on my vague memory that your teaching gig is a recent development, my apologies if I'm wrong. My internet presence is always patchy.)

2. Tomorrow the candy is MARKED DOWN and we grown-ups can really start pigging out.

Happy Halloween everybody!

Kal said...

You are right. Marked down candy is a gift from the gods and I should see it that way. Thanks for resetting me on the dark path once again.