Monday, February 18, 2019

My Sweet Bebe

The Baroness Simona Bebe Von Katzenhammer
(Of the Salzburg Von Katzenhammers)
My cat is a complicated creature. She 'talks' in a hum that expresses her current and continual displeasure with me. She does this all day long in case I forget. Today she was very chill. I actually heard her purr for the very first time. But once she realized I could hear her do that she went away. Sometimes she can't be more than two feet from me. Others, it's like she is on her period. Put the purr was nice. I never get the purr. It's because I didn't get her as a kitten that she is so weird. Our relationship is like one maniac who has no friends or family and another maniac with issues. I will let you figure out which is which. She won't chase the dot. She won't ripe apart the mouse. She won't chase the tin foil ball we call 'the bingie'. Nothing. She won't tolerate a change in pet food FLAVOR or BRAND. She likes Temptations but only FIVE at one time and she like a few mixed in with her regular dry food. Will not touch wet cat food. It's like Ebola to her but she will drink the juice from the Salmon can but NOT the Tuna can. Lately she is discovered she does like wet food but only after the can has been chilled. Has no interest in human food. Never begs. Has to join me in the bathroom like it's our clubhouse. Was tempted many times to jump in the tub. For sure will do it one day. Hates anything new like the new pet blanket she was given. Put in on her spare bedroom pillows. She moved to the next pillow over for her nap. Will not go outside. Has no interest. Doesn't bolt for the door. I have decided that is her lot in life. We will continue to pretend that we are on a spaceship to Mars and neither of us CAN go outside. Likes her water cold. Has racist views and opinion that she will blurt out at the oddest times. I am sure she voted for Trump. Still sulks that none of the record players in our house work so she can't enjoy all my old vinyl. I gave her a taste and now she's jonesing for it. Queen, ELO and The Bee Gees is her jam. And remarkable she agrees with me about Boney M, even though she calls him a 'darkie'. Despite that, I consider this a win in my efforts towards making my cat less racist.



Debra She Who Seeks said...

"Has to join me in the bathroom like it's our clubhouse" -- hahahaha, this line made me laugh out loud!

That's why cats are so delightful. They live for themselves and FUCK YOU. You dance to THEIR tune, not vice versa.

DrGoat said...

So true. As opposed to The Baroness, Tag loves tuna can juice, with some tuna bits to eat last after every bit of liquid is mopped up.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

Tag is at least normal and not entitled.