Sunday, September 27, 2020

Secret Society Of Second Born Royals

After watching this trailer I knew that this one was the film for my gloomy attitude. A spunky royal in rebellion gets to become a superhero superspy? But that was MY dream to be chased by cops while on my skateboard as a second born royal princess. Where are my superpowers?

Of course our hero princess is named Samantha but she only answers to SAM. GAH! She is a muscian with enhanced senses. That at least makes sense.

I used to love the Family Channel here in Canada, especially their after school line-up. The Weekenders, Flimore, Recess, Kim Possible, ect... 

I miss the Disney vibe that went into these shows. They were made with love. This one is equally earnest and sometimes tries a little bit too hard but I didn't hate it. I would watch it with my child if I had a child. It's very much 'Avengers Light' but that is a compliment.

Oh those lame Disney accents. I wish everyone could just use their own voices.

Every character is such a modern cliche but I liked that more and more as the movie went out. I prefer that my Disney girl movies aren't so complicated or make me overthink anything. Plus Disney girls with superpowers is a fantastic idea. I bought into the whole goofy concept. And if you have superpowers and if you are a rich royal you got NOTHING to bitch about. These kids do a lot of bitching.

There is even an evil castles prison complete with evil castle prisoner whose identity I figured out right away. Our hero's father has a younger brother - a superpowered second born himself and he is mad and he is a bully and he has the power to wreck people and things.

The powers are actually interesting. One girl can steal powers, one has super senses, one attracts bugs (I know - he's the super awkward one - duh) one is very charismatic and the other one can turn invisible and created force fields like the Invisible Woman.

Don't say THE USH when you can just say THE USUAL! Just because it's an annoying teen thing to do to remind us that these actors are teens. No real hip kid would ever use the word USH. That is so written by committee. 

Of course her Mother, the Queen is in charge of the Secret Society. And she is quite badass. Nothing, however, is shared without a reason to be used later in the film. It's an old story trying to be told in a fresh way so far. The final results remain to be seen.

It seems like Queen Mom just showed up being MOM in the last week. Where was she when this kid needed to be guided in the use of her powers BEFORE the summer. So lame. If I had a second born you can bet she would have been Wonder Woman by sixth grade. Yes, that would make me the King in this fantasy life. Shut up. It's a beautiful dream.

Their teacher is also a cool Xavier like teacher with powers of his own. His tests are creative if not VERY specific. For example, why would the girl who steals powers NEED to steal the powers of a other second born who can breath underwater UNLESS she had to be underwater for a very long time in the future. Does that make sense? It's like The Avengers Junior Summer Special comic book.

Okay, more lesson learning about how to figure out yourself for yourself because you have superpowers that conveniently will now be needed to save the whole world. Yes, that World. The World that has them using arrows and needed a big dumb pit bull and insects to save the day.

Omg. Who came up with this story. I might want to shake their hands. They had a very, very, high concept and within the iron grip of the Mouse, well as full retard as they could given that I am not it's target audience. But I would watch the hell out of this with a tween kid. Superhero Princess girls need representation too.

And there is her poor normal, poor non-superpowered best boy friend who is in love with her. Damn, Disney. You aren't doing much heavy lifting when she, of course, lets him down. Ouch, teen angst and relationship ennui. She crushed that poor boy's heart and she didn't care because he's poor and has a perm. 

Oh great. Threaten to WIPE THEIR MINDS and make them forget their powers if they fuck up. HARSH but SO like the Mouse to dish that kind of punishment to those who fail to bring glory to the Mouse.

Insert lame pop song here. I hope it's not her song, like one she wrote herself.

Our star has a sweet Selena Gomez vibe and that is an easy sell for me. The more I watch this manufactured drivel, the more I like it. I know. I KNOW. But it would be fun to goof on if I actually had friends I watched movies with. But, you

I hate to say this but I would watch a whole series of this concept on Disney. Superhero teen light.

Of course she plays the guitar in a slamming way. Like Prince only whiter and a girl. Oh and she can kick ass in a Coronation dress and combat boots.

Oh no, the 'You are meant for great things' speech. How very Joseph Campbell but some old school story tropes are tropes because they work. Yes there is NOTHING original about this but I dug the world building that they attempted here.

The cast is very Captain Planet. Very ethnic, very focus grouped and all equally tiny for what the movie asks them to do. But they are only small because the Mouse makes them smoke a carton a week to stunt their growth. True story.

OOOOOO sweet twist. I didn't see that coming at all. No, I really didn't. Wait. Did that just happen? That is pretty smart as evil plans go. But they never counted on one spunky little second born Disney Princess with superpowers now did they?

So, the power stealing girl learned how to breath underwater but never actually does any underwater breathing? Well that is all one big tease then.

I didn't hate this one. I should have hated it but I didn't. Who knew?


Debra She Who Seeks said...

Are you sure you're not secretly a teen girl? No, no. A TWEEN girl?

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

My buddy MD said the same thing - the Monster High Dolls gave it away, right. I just know what they like and think because I taught so many of them that we all got our first periods the same time every year.