Thursday, December 24, 2020

Told You So

I HAVE BEEN WARNING YOU ABOUT THE CEPHALOPOD MENACE MY WHOLE LIFE! Whose the crazy one now, Doctor Shenkman? WHO'S THE CRAZY ONE NOW? 

I am not asking to kill EVERY creature in the ocean. Just ONE type of Invertebrate asshole who doesn't NEED eight arms, each with it's OWN brain, but chooses to have EIGHT of those barbed tentacles just so he could lord it over the rest of the creatures in the oceans and on land. 

Yes, my friends. Even though the Octopus has every single other creature in the sea to hate on, it takes a special interest in the doings of us air breathers. Just cool your jet's, tentacle boy. Don't you worry about what WE are doing. You just mind your own bidness. You hear me, Hefe? Don't START nuttin, won't BE nuttin. 

And YES, I just made a threat to the entire species. What are they gonna do about it? They are all talk. Plus if they could work together, we would already be dead. That's their problem. They ALL want to be in charge. All generals and no soldiers. It's a flaw in their character. Octopus don't even like OTHER octopuses which pretty much sums up the extent of octopus 'culture'. Bunch of loners running around unchecked on the ocean floor? 

Not on MY watch. 

But you keep letting your children swim in the polluted oceans. When they get dragged down to the bottom of the sea I guess you could make another one, if you are still fertile of course. The oceans are dangerous places that your children should avoid. If they want to swim in water, go to the rec center pool. It's the same experience without the octopus.


2 comments:

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Well, Cal, I guess you're vindicated!

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

I can hear the same dismissive tone that Shenkman would use when talking about this subject. But I know what I know. Never will I doubt my instincts ever again.