A ten year old boy has set a record for wearing the most pairs of underwear at one time - 216 pairs. What the hell is going on in this planet since I woke up? Charlie Sheen has cars in ravines, Situations are rapping, Nazi UfOs, underwear wearing kids - this place is a freakshow. It just is. I will tell the children of these times in years to come and they will just laugh at me because you cannot make this shit up.
The real amazing thing is that the underwear record kid thinks he can go back to school like nothing has happened. He thinks he will not be getting his ass kicked every recess and lunchtime. Kids can be mocking and cruel ESPECIALLY over underwear records.
Now what I REALLY want to see is this kid sailing around the world while wearing all those pairs of underwear. Now THAT is a record I can respect.
I like the way people (who desperately need a television) are cheering this kid on. You know the six year old watching is saying to himself, "I can beat that. But I don't want to."
Remember, they had to lie him down to complete the stunt. It's official. This is the LEAST amount of effort anyone has had to do EVER to get into that stupid record book. I am tempted to break his record today just to mess with his 'fragile little mind' (Eric Cartman) "How did you like your one day of accomplishment, bitch?"
It's stories like this that the Cave of Cool was created for. It's not even nine in the morning here and I don't think this day is finished with us yet. Mark your calendars kids. Days like these come onboard the Crazy Train only every so often. You would hate to miss it.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
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13 comments:
He will get beaten up in school and very likely will not be able to produce viable sperm... all because of this crazy stunt.
Oh, the humanity!
Poor kid. He will never have a good love life. It would be way too much work for anyone who dates him.
xoRobyn
What is our excuse then? We know why he will be alone forever. I know neither of us have done something that soul damaging.
Good, depressing point, Cal. We might as well wear 300 pairs of undies and walk around looking retarded - since we're not getting any anyway.
xoRobyn
I have been thinking about the kind of people that would find a person who wore all those pairs of underwear attractive. I don't know if I really want to be dipping my toe in that pool.
I don't need another reason to be unappealing - just being me has worked out all right so far
Wait a minute, Cal, I'm putting on pair 256, and you're not in on this too? That's just wrong!
And don't go dissing yourself either, just cuz women don't know a good thing when they see it. ;->
xoRobyn
Well Robyn it looks like a underwear wearing battle to the death. You should know I rented a special forklift to help when my whole body goes numb. But the record is so worth it.
Damnit, Cal, I was de-underwearing myself (I'm back down to 17 now) because I thought you were bailing out. Okay, give me a few minutes to start over.
PS I rented that retarded family out. They're happy to help with this noble cause and they're bringing over all the used undies.
xoRobyn
You and your damn underwear connection Robyn. How can I possible compete with that. NETWORK, you gotta NETWORK - Dad was always telling me that.
Yep, it's not about who you know, Cal. It's about who's 215+ pairs of used underwear you can borrow. That's what my Bubbeh (Jewish Grandma) used to always tell me.
xoRobyn
The Bubbehs know. Seek out the wisdom of the Bubbehs kids. We called mine Baba and she will full of all kinds of old world immigrant advice like, "Put on a warm hat because the cows are coming in from the field."
I could never see the connection between warm hats and cows but I would never doubt that she was looking out for my best interest.
Yep, when I stepped out onto the front porch fully dressed except shoes, I was told to come inside. "You're going to catch a cold going outside naked like that."
xoRobyn
Did you have your hands AND feet exposed to the elements? Because you will not only get a cold but you will attract the attention of every single man in the county.
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