Saturday, November 26, 2011

I Got A Lot To Say To You People Even Though It's Not Yet Festivas

If touching a peanut will kill you and you live in a peanut rich society then carry your special EPI pen with you at all times. If you don't, you will meet a peanut on the street and you will die and NO ONE is to blame for that but you. Certainly not the peanut. The peanut knows only love. Protect yourself.

The peanut is RANDOM and means you no personal harm. Just have your medicine with you and shut up about how much you hate the peanut. If you tell me the story about how the peanut tried to kill you ONE MORE TIME I will literally BECOME a human peanut and touch you in places you will have to show to a therapist on one of those dolls they use.

That is IF you survive a direct peanut attack. Let's time your reaction and if you CAN actually save yourself. Do you see what all this anti-peanut talk has created in my brain. I hate breakfast with people. People ruin breakfast. OMG. The waitress just passed with a whole tray of those little peanut butters for toast. I could kill this woman sitting across from me and no one would ever know it. Man, my food better come NOW or I will commit a peanut allergy related murder. And apparently also confess to one. Update to come.

1 comment:

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Low blood sugar is a bitch, man.