41:Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?
Kal and Machete don't text.
42:When did I last hold hands?
With my Rabbi and Imam at a Catholic pancake breakfast.
43:How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?
I wake up ready...BABY! (cue secret agent music and clip compilation)
44:Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?
Not above my knees.
45:Where am I right now?
Spinning out of control with the rest of the Universe.
46:If I were drunk can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?
The cop who will soon be beating me with his nightstick.
47:Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?
Does it HAVE to be so loud? That is what they invented headphones for. So you could listen to your high fidelity player and vinyl records without disturbing the crib players.
48:Do I live with my Mom and Dad?
She lives with me. I am that woman's goddamned houseboy. I swear she should call me Ramone.
49:Am I excited for anything?
The world opening up and swallowing all the evil monkeys and octopus that only plot our demise. I would also like to see a real honest to goodness spaceship and get an explanation why this gator is in a fancy suit. The minute he enters the water he will ruin the entire outfit.
50:Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?
I used to. It was a gift. But bitch went crazy.
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6 comments:
42. I keep telling people that my plan doesn't cover texting. It hasn't stopped them yet. It's worse for me since I refused to devalue the English language through such gruesome abbreviations and have to henpeck my complete sentences since my phone doesn't have a keyboard.
I doubt the automated computer that sends out these coupon codes is really looking for that kind of affection, but if she were, it'd probably be the best that I could get, especially since the stats show that there are fewer and fewer women living in my town.
48. I live with my parents while I look for a paying job. I resent being called a "moocher" because I at least try make myself useful around the house.
I refuse to text after learning to type like a concert pianist. I just read where they want to replace THE with TH...officially drop the E for good. It's like getting rid of pennies. It's all sounds sinister.
Gawd, you'll go anywhere and do anything for pancakes, won't you? Yu iz a hotcake ho, my boy.
But it's free pancake breakfast SEASON. How can you deny me. I stopped taken them home in my pockets so that is progress.
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