Tuesday, September 6, 2016

I Have Had Many Interesting Looks Into My Past This Month

I COULD comment and comment with picture. Had a guy I grew up with died. He was everyone's hero and mine as well. A grade ahead and smart enough to go into the flight program in Cadets. He was flying is glider at 15. Became a military medical Doctor. A flight doctor for our fighter squadron out of Cold Lake Alberta. His name was Doug Stoski and for many years he was my friend until I left Shilo and was moved to Red Deer. No one really kept touch with me after that.

Saw a picture of the first girl I ever really loved when she was at her prime this week on the FB. I feel in love with her in grade nine and found her again at the top of the world. Literally. I helped her get into University by motivating her to chase the life she really wanted. I spent a News Years Eve once as her date. But I was never good enough for her and she had that opinion completely right. But we did connect on so many cool ways. We could talk museums and ancient history and laugh about the same snarky things. I miss her but respect her reasons for not talking to me in 25 years. I have a picture of her but will not share it here out of respect for her silence. But trust me. I could have looked at that face for a lifetime and more and never seen another woman as beautiful.

I have a cousin getting married for the second time. I mean TWO women loved this man. I love him but he's family so I can call him a goofball. Where do I meet these kind of women who will see past a man's flaws? I admire his ability to constantly reinvent himself. He is a survivor. When the zombie apocalypse starts he is the first one I pick up on my way to Manitoba. He has certain skills with schmoozing people into giving him what he wants. I actually admire a mind that calculating but damn it must be a lot of work to always have to work an angle.

I saw a little guy enter another elementary grade bigger and more of a real person than ever before. I wish I knew what it was like to be around his kind of energy because I knew his mother once and we were very close. Not that kind of close but I knew her when she was pregnant and she was my best friend for years before that. We would drive around the city at night and talk about everything. She was my best friend then I didn't see her anymore. But I will always remember our time with great love and laughter. I know I changed her life as much as she changed mine but of course she will never ever admit it. I thank her for her kindness these days and for all she lets me see about her life now. Her son is her life but she lets me see his antics on the Facebook as do many other new moms. She talks to me now but it's not the same as it used to be. Another reminder of a past that is long gone but will be perfect in my memory. Once I told my father that I hated her. His response was that if that was the case then all the good you ever shared with her died with that hate. So I forgive her because I will never make that trade.

Friends I knew and lived with in University have not talked to me in decades. One couple does and I love them for it. I like that hey remember me and interact with me often. The other breaks my heart because I always loved them best. Found pictures of them going through an old can for pictures of my currently passed friend. Another fun journey the past that never was. Remind me to tell you the story of the Cyclops one day and why they are sad, solitary creatures in most fantasy literature and movies like Krull. Reminds me off all the things I missed out on and that has a washing of just crushing one's soul.

Of course I always have my memories to keep me warm.


Debra She Who Seeks said...

So your twice-married cousin "has certain skills with schmoozing people into giving him what he wants. I actually admire a mind that calculating but damn it must be a lot of work to always have to work an angle." That's why he's TWICE-married. First wife wised up to his bullshit, no doubt.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

You called that one 100 percent.