Friday, May 29, 2020

Friday Rant From Quarantine

I hate to pile on but I imagine that the walnut that substitutes for the brain of Dear Idiot must be spinning right now. He's this close to cracking and saying something REALLY deplorable and disgusting. I know I know. What could he possibly say? What word could he possible use to represent those he feel are responsible for these riots and fires in a society that his dreadful mismanagement in any part of his job continues to devolve and fill with fear. You sow hate and rage then your reap the whirlwind. We are in the last days.

But I have faith. I think we might just come out of this. Naw, I am just fuckin wicha. We got many trials ahead of us yet. Provided that we survive the summer. I predict heat and tornadoes.

Now I don't want to trip you out, Hefe, I know it's almost only June but can you, in your wildest twisted holiday fantasies imagine what Christmas is going to be like this year? I know the Claus has abandoned us like I always knew he would. Works ONE day a year. Even with those days at the local mall, he gets a lot of press for very little work. Santa does not actually build the toys so fuck him and his exploitation of elf labor who were declared essential during this pandemic.

Don't ask me about the Reindeer. They can just switch another one in for the one that just coughed. How would we know?

I worry about the Krampus the most though. He is not handling all the social isolating very well. They like to hunt in packs those Krampus which like sheep are called the same thing in their singular and plural forms. Maybe beating bad children with a bundle of sticks while terrorizing them will make them feel better. Unless, you know there was a pandemic.

Sweet Jeebus it's going to be a horror show. Everyone gonna snap. Don't make the mall out of anything flammable. A food court with LESS tables at the Christmas. Of course I mean only the walking dead that survive Thanksgiving with snap.

But I have high hopes for Halloween if everyone wears a mask and doesn't get so drunk that they puke in it. But giving out poison candy is now Verboten. Has anyone told the candy companies yet or are they gonna squeeze one more season out of those black cat candies. The last candy left after your haul. No more trick or treating. When does all the winning begin? When will I get tired of all this 'winning'.

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