Drunken Arguement - Hippo vs. Giant Octopus

This one is of particular interest to me. And the comments for their post are worth the price of admission alone. What side do I fall on? Well of COURSE the hippo would just walk out of the water and wait for the octopus to dry up. Then sit down and squash his bulbous head. (Apologies for the often salty language)

If there's one thing we like to do more than drink, it's argue about really important stuff like who would win in a if a hippo fought a giant octopus underwater. Here's what it sounds like when when we do both at the same time.


Have you ever seen a hippo? They're fuggin' huge, dude. An octopus is just a squishy head with skinny arms that squirts disgusting liquid out of a hole in the bottom of it, meaning it's basically just an underwater version of Tara Reid after a night of drinking. Hippos are the most dangerous animals in Africa. I know that 'cause every time I go to the zoo, my autistic cousing repeats it over and over again. Even if the octopus managed to wrap the hippo up, it wouldn't be able to do shit but hold on tightly, like it was consoling the hippo after coming home to find its family killed. After a while, the octopus would tire out and the hippo would eat it, shit it out, and then continue floating around in the water.


A hippo only has one attack: it's going to try to bite the octopus. Luckily, the octopus has huge, long-ass tentacles that it can use to keep the hippo at bay, and a steady supply of ink to provide an underwater smokescreen, so the hippo can't even see him. Now the hippo is basically in the same situation as a super-hot, big-tittied blind girl at a frat party: it can't see anything, but it can definitely feel the long, gooey appendages sliding all over its body. Also, an octopus can crush a shark with its tentacles. CRUSH it. That would be like you crushing a volkswagen beetle, and I'm talking about an old volkswagen beetle, not one of those stupid new plastic ones that looks like a pregnant roller skate. Sure, a hippo is more solid than a shark, but the octopus can wrap it up easily, and then either crush it, strangle it, gag it, or use its parrot-like beak to bite some huge chunks out of the hippo's body. Worst case scenario: the octopus wraps up the hippo, drags it down to the bottom, and waits for it to suffocate. Giant Octopus wins this one, tentacles down!

blackie Says:
May 11th, 2009 at 10:55 am
Aren't giant octopi like as big as school busses? Isn't that was got captain Nemo? I think the octopus would fuck that hippo up like a japanese porn star.

Anonymous Says:
May 11th, 2009 at 10:52 am
Chuck Norris would beat both at the same time!

blackieckie Says:
May 11th, 2009 at 10:56 am
Behind Chuck Norris' beard is another octopus

Tyrone Biggums Says:
May 11th, 2009 at 05:02 am
This is like asking if you would prefer to bone a fat chick or an effeminate dude.

I vote for fat chick, I mean, hippo.

Mike H Says:
May 10th, 2009 at 07:37 pm
No contest here. Hippo walks out of the water while the Octopus is hugging in and just lies down on top of it. It’s kind of like when you go ugly after drinking. Once the fat girl is on top there’s no way to run away as you sober up!

Anonymous Says:
May 10th, 2009 at 03:37 pm
How the hell is the octo going to continue to wrap and squeeze the hippo when the first thing that the hippo does is POP that balloon for a head of the octo with his fangs just like he kills every other pain in the ass that he comes across in Africa??? The hippo can rip the head off of a LION and shit down its neck!!!!

Hot Dip Says:
May 9th, 2009 at 08:38 pm
The hippo would win, unless the octopus crawls inside the hippo's stomach and pushes out in all directions with its tentacles and causes the hippo to explode.

JDM Says:
May 12th, 2009 at 08:21 pm
When a hippo explodes, nobody wins.

supermanlymangunowner Says:
May 9th, 2009 at 10:58 am
wait till the octopus evolve to land form , were all fucke

Smokey Says:
May 9th, 2009 at 08:38 am
hippos are gangster
that octopus would get jacked up son

Sheriff Says:
May 8th, 2009 at 04:57 pm
i say hippo...hows an octopus gonna drag it down? with its outboard?

http://www.holytaco.com/drunken-argument-friday-hippo-vs-giant-octopus