Sunday, May 30, 2010

Tarvuism? Oobu The Octopus?

You ever heard of this? It is supposedly the world's fastest growing religion but is in reality a joke created by two comedy writers to make fun of the more ridiculous elements of Christianity and Scientology. What got my attention is its connection to the octopus who is holy in this 'church'. In fact the octopus saved the guy who the religion is founded on. Check this out:

"Oobu (or Ubu, or Ubb-Ubb) was the octopus who befriended and rescued Tarvu when he landed in the ocean from the Heavens.

Oobu and his wife Ootati, their children Oppo and Ippi along with Oobu's father Oopapa, kept Tarvu alive by feeding him ink and shrimps. They lived together in the seas for nine years, and Tarvu became a very good swimmer. Oopapa sadly died along the way, being eaten by a giant wooly sea-tortoise, called Karkippenah. This species (known as 'Tortimikeppi') is now extinct. Tarvuists believe that this was Tarvu's revenge for the death of his adopted aquamarine grandfather. However, some zoologists have reported sightings of tortimikeppi in lakes in Hungary, Romania and Sri Lanka, although they have never been photographed.

Tarvu never forgot his adopted octopus family, and forbad the eating of calamari."

This is all very silly but I can see it catching on amongst certain segments of the population that need to belong to something, anything regardless of how stupid it sounds. I of course call it bullshit because of the octopus connection. Just the kind of stupidity that my cephalopod enemy would put out there to trick gullible humans. This is exactly how they would try and GETCHA in the media savvy Internet age.

For a made-up religion they seem to have put some effort into their balloon juice theology - just enough to seem legit. They just have nothing that appeals to me. That whole 'holy octopus' thing is an instant deal breaker, baby.

Here is the list of what the believe:

•Tarvu is our Lord God
•There are two universes
•The Tarvunty is the Holy Book
•We should all "be nice"
•Men and women are equal (to each other)
•Tarvu's Prayer should be said every day
•Octopuses are holy creatures
•Everyone has an invisible guardian from Universe A.

Say Hebbo! from Torvakian on Vimeo.


Powdered Toast Man said...

I must join, I need to join. I love octopi or octopuses or however it's said.

Wings1295 said...

Sort of like the Flying Spagetti Monster?

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

PTM? WTF? YOU are one of those collaborators?

M. D. Jackson said...

Belief number five is incomplete. It should read: "Men and women are equally delicious"

Now we start to see the truth. Evil, EVIL cephalopods!

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

I told you. I told you all but would you listen to me? NO, you wouldn't. I am an expert on the evil that eight limbed, boneless sea bastards do. So for them to spin a lie so slick as this one I am not surprised. Or impressed.

Leviathud said...

Well Im fine with squids. The octopi? No. Never. They're evil.

Teresa Evangeline said...

So, that "boneless sea bastard" spun "a lie so SLICK"...does that mean he hails from the Gulf of Mexico perchance, just off shore from Louisiana?

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

Teresa, I wouldn't put it past the octopus to be responsible for the damage done to the drilling platform and for the oil leak in general. I bet they just eat that oil up like syrup on pancakes. They are pure evil you know?