More About Me - The First Ten

This could be fun (or extremely depressing) Either works for me.
               

1: Name

Captain Funkateer Funk Swagger (That's my rap name) or you can call me Big Daddy or Pepsi Spice.

 

2: Age

Older than that piece of bread in your fridge.

               

3: 3 Fears

Sleep, cephalopods and beets

 

4: 3 things I love

Garlic stuffed olives, the sound of rain especially with thunder and lightning, good television, kitties

 

 

 

 

5: 4 turns on

Sense of humor, sense of wonder, sense of style, sense of the Infinite

                

6: 4 turns offs

People who they are SURE they are right about any issue. Even issues I agree with.

 

If I can finish your sentences in my head it's probably not going to go well between us.

Insincerity

 

People who START playing board games with me then whine and cry when I crush them beneath the heel of my boot - and this is after I TOLD THEM I WOULD DO THAT TO THEM. So I have no sympathy. Sorry bitches. You rolled the dice and I took Kamchatka.

               

7: My best friend

I have no friends. Well none I can just call up to do human things with...outdoor things with...in the company of other people things with, Octoberfest things with. Friends are a lot of work. I also am too selfish and set in my ways to offer much to the arrangement.

 

               

8: Sexual orientation

Sick and needy, just like you.

               

9: My best first date

Why do I think 'Yo Momma' is the best and only way to answer that question?

               

10: How tall am I

 

Tall enough to go on the rides at the fair...which I hate...and no longer attend. The carnival is a place where bad things happen to good people. You have seen the movies set in carnivals just like I have so don't even argue this point with me. I wonder if the water saturated ground is about to support the larger rickety rides that they usually bring to the Calgary Stampede. I can see the ground being too soft for construction. Or I can see a horrid accident as the Ferris Wheel rolls through the Stampede grounds.